I dare say you are a nervous person, and your mind upset by it, and this doctor's word thus took possession of it. But if you had peace with God, it would give you a rest and quietness of spirit, which would greatly relieve you. Now I do not doubt that God has wrought in your soul, and therefore all is yours; but the first effect of His working is to distress and trouble us, because we cannot say that all is ours, and then look to our state and our fruit and our feelings, to know if we are His; that is, we look to the work of the Spirit in us, and so to the imperfect fruits in us, of His working, which cannot give us rest, and ought not. Jesus does not say, Find out your state, and you shall have rest, but, "Come unto me, all ye that labor, and are heavy laden," as you are, "and I will give you rest." Our rest comes not from our being what He wants, but His being what we want. He has made peace by the blood of the cross. That is all settled for those who believe in Him, as you do; but then, besides that, He has a tender gracious care over, and interest in us, can be touched with the feeling of our infirmities. As to our conscience, He has done what purges our sins, and so our conscience. As it is written, "Blessed is the man unto whom the Lord imputeth not iniquity," and for this God will have nothing but Christ's work known by faith, no feelings or fruits or anything; we believe it only, that it may be by grace. Otherwise we should have our part, and be able to boast, but then the tender loving kindness of Christ enters into all our trials and weaknesses.
Now you want to have done with looking to yourself—"In me, that is in my flesh, dwelleth no good thing"—and know that the Lord imputes nothing to you, and it is not till we submit to God's righteousness that we get strength. You look to getting the victory in order to get peace: we must get peace to get the victory—peace already made by Christ's work—then you will get strength; we do not find it till we see we have none. Conflict we shall still find. You may remain possibly a nervous person, but you will know that God is for you, and that changes everything. He has proved it in giving His Son, who died for us when we were mere sinners. Look simply to Him who has died for us and finished His work, for "herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us." I do not ask you to accept anything, but to believe that God has given and accepted His Son for you. "They looked unto him and were lightened."... Look to Him who is God's wisdom, and He will give you rest.
Yours sincerely in the Lord.
December 27th, 1877.