This morning I would like to speak particularly to the young men here. Now the girls can listen too—but their turn will come tomorrow. To repeat what we said yesterday, it is better to cover a few things well than try to cover everything. A brother back home said that in spiritual things it is better to use a rifle than a shotgun, and he was right.
I want to speak on two subjects that are very much on my heart—Leadership and Love. First I would like to speak about Leadership. Let’s turn to a few verses from the Word of God; the first verses are in the beginning of the Bible, in Genesis 2, verses 8, 15, and 19:
“And the LORD God planted a garden eastward in Eden; and there he put the man whom he had formed.... And the LORD God took the man, and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it... And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.”
Again I say this is particularly going to be for the young men, and I hope you young ladies will bear with me if the comments are a little one-sided. You know that the subject of the relationships of men and women and positions of headship in this world is (if I might use the common language) a pretty hot one, isn’t it? But as our brother Gordon Hayhoe has often mentioned (and it bears repeating), “If the man takes the position of headship and leadership simply because he wants it, and says ‘I’m going to have it,’ then he has no more right to it than the woman; but if God puts him in that position, then he is bound before the Lord to take that position.” I don’t like to use the word ‘authority’ in connection with it, because although the Scripture does use that word in certain cases, I think the word ‘leadership’ is more what is implied in the Word of God.
Young brothers and older ones too, I say to you right at the outset of the meeting that God has put you in a position of leadership in this world. It didn’t start with Christianity, although Christianity has modified this position and brought the name of Christ into it all so that we have an even greater responsibility than men had in the Old Testament. Nevertheless at the beginning, the Word of God tells us in Genesis and brings it before us again in the New Testament, that man was created and given the place of headship in creation.
You may say, “That’s good. That’s what I like to hear.” I have heard men in this world try and quote the Word of God to support their position. You know it has far more to it than that, because leadership brings before us privilege and responsibility.
I might pass on a remark that Mr. Wigram made many years ago, and it stuck with me. You can find it if you look in his written ministry. He makes this comment, that when things go astray in God’s creation, when things go astray in the assembly, when things go astray in the Christian home, generally speaking it is because the man has failed first in his position of leadership and responsibility. I read that quite a few years ago and it was a bit of a surprise to me. I started making observations and I started right here with myself. I made observations in my own home and my own life, and I made observations in the lives of others with whom I came in contact. Do you know what? He was right! In fact I cannot think of a single case where ultimately the difficulty didn’t start with the man.
Now before you girls start to say, “Well that’s what we expected to hear,” I hasten to say that very often when the man got out of his place, the woman got out of her place. She tended sometimes to go further than the man in getting into difficulties and making a mess of things.
Morally a woman can rise higher than a man, but she can sink lower. That is well known. I remember my own mother telling me that when I was a teenager. On the street we saw a woman who was under the influence of alcohol. My mother with tears in her eyes said, “A woman can rise higher than a man, but she can sink lower.” So when the man fails, the woman fails too; and it started off right in the Garden of Eden. Adam should have been at his wife’s side, but he wasn’t there and she was the one who was led into temptation to eat of the forbidden fruit.
So first and foremost young men and young brothers in Christ, God has put you in the position of leadership. The question is, are you taking that position and filling it properly? We read those verses in Genesis and I Timothy, but then we read that verse in 1 Corinthians 11, and that puts everything into perspective, doesn’t it? “The head of every man is Christ.” Isn’t it significant that that is put in there first?
I can remember (it kind of dates me a little bit!) sitting in a general meeting in Detroit, Michigan in 1960. I was a teenager then. I was sitting in the front row during a gospel meeting with a lot of other young men, some of them older than I and some I looked up to. I remember after the meeting a dear elderly sister who is now with the Lord, just quietly said, “You know, I just pray to the Lord that he will keep all those young men that were sitting with you in that front row.” I can remember a few years ago, a dear brother who is still with us saying, “What a future for those gathered to the Lord’s name, if all the young men went on in the truth.” How do we do it? The head of every man is Christ.
Young brothers, you cannot exercise your place of leadership and headship, unless you recognize the headship of Christ. Sad to say we often see today where men are setting aside their responsibilities in this area.
May I be a little bit practical? Sometimes I see young men who come to the meetings and I know they love the Lord, because I get to know them a little, and I know that they want to please the Lord. I know they don’t have any real difficulty in opening their mouths, at least they don’t in normal everyday life, because I hear them. If you chat with them in private conversations there is no problem there. But when they come to the meetings, you see them sitting there when a hymn is being sung with their mouths closed, because it isn’t “cool” to sing too loud. I don’t know whether that happens to anyone here, but I have seen it happen. Or I have seen young brothers who were afraid to speak a word for the Lord because they felt that nobody else was doing it. What will other people think? But you know, fellows, God has given you that place of leadership; and if you remember that your head is Christ, that is the thing that you need to take to heart. As we heard yesterday, we have One who loved us enough to die for us, and now He is there in Glory and there has taken that position of headship. But down here He has given you a position of leadership.
If the men of this world took the position of leadership that they should, I believe you would find things falling into line. The woman would not get out of her place if the man filled his place.
I don’t think the brother involved would mind my telling this story. He doesn’t live anywhere around here, but he is a professional man and in the course of his professional activities he had a young woman who was also aspiring to the same profession come and spend some time with him. She had very definite ideas about the positions of men and women in this world and particularly about men in general. The brother just quietly let all that blow by, and went on in the course of his professional activities with her. At the end of her time with him, she without any prompting from him or without his even bringing up the subject made this remark: “You know, you are the first man that I have come in contact with in the last few years that I have really been able to have some respect for.” Kind of interesting, isn’t it? Why was it? Because, sad to say, man has failed in his position of leadership. But here she saw a man (and I know that brother well so I can speak of him) who recognized that “the head of every man is Christ.” He didn’t take the position of headship and leadership with the idea that “I’m here and you are there and this is the way it is.” Oh, no. But there was that in him, which commended itself to her, as one who, while feeling his responsibility toward God, felt just as much his responsibility of headship and leadership in this world.
You know I covet that for you young brothers, because the sisters are watching you, maybe a little more than you think. And if you take the position that God has given you, then things will fall into line. So you find in the Word of God that when instruction is given to men and women or husbands and wives, generally speaking God singles out the man first.
Turn back for a verse that I’ve often enjoyed in Psalm 144. (Now you will notice that we are picking these verses out and very carefully leaving those that apply to the young ladies here. We will get to them!) Notice in verse 12, “That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth;” I like that expression. You say, “What does that mean? Does that mean that I have to act like the older brothers in the assembly? Does that mean that I have to walk around with the same bearing, demeanor and attitude as the older ones?” No, it doesn’t mean that, because everything is only beautiful in its season, and when the blessed Lord was a boy in this world growing up, (I say it reverently) I believe he exhibited perfection—but at the age at which He was. So when at the age of 12 He went up to the temple, it specifically says that He was there with the doctors of the law hearing them and asking them questions. He never lost His dignity as the Son of God, but there was perfection there in keeping with his age at that time.
Here it speaks of being grown up in our youth. What does that mean? I believe that means feeling the truth of 1 Corinthians 11:33But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3), “the head of every man is Christ.” I’ve talked to young men (and what a joy it is to speak to those who feel responsibility toward the Lord) who feel responsibility in the assembly and take these things seriously. Can we do that? Indeed we can, and it is a real encouragement to your older brethren and an encouragement to the sisters too to see that here is someone who wants to go on for the Lord. You young brothers have the privilege of taking that position of leadership and headship.
Again I say it has to be done with the recognition that you have a Head in heaven. The more that you and I recognize that we have a Head in heaven, and the more we recognize the claims of Christ and the more He fills our hearts, oh the more that position of headship and leadership will be taken—but tempered with all the love and grace that our blessed Lord exhibited.
So, I throw out the challenge to the young men here—this is where the Word of God has placed you, both in the temporal scene and in the assembly. Now things have been turned upside down in the world of today. When you go out into the work force, or when you go to college, you are going to find that the principles of God’s Word are being set aside. Well, we cannot change the world, can we? No, we cannot, and if I find myself in a situation where the principles of God’s Word have been turned aside, I simply submit to the order that God has given me and leave it at that. Let me give you an example. Some of us go over to the detention home in Toronto where we speak to the young offenders there who are charged with serious crimes. It so happens that at present the superintendent of that home is a woman; and the so-called chaplain of that home who holds overall responsibility for the religious services is also a woman. Godly order? No! But when it comes to submitting to the authority that is there, we go along with it. But we are able to maintain, you might say, our independence in spiritual things so that they don’t interfere at all with what we do. Nevertheless when it comes to what is allowed and what is not allowed, we submit to the authority because God says “the powers that be are ordained of God.”
But when it comes to the assembly, God has given us an order which needs to be maintained. He has given us the privilege of leadership and headship.
Let’s jump off that from that point to family life. What about that? Again I say to the young men here, most of whom are not married (but some drifting dangerously in that direction!): In the course of time, if the Lord leaves us here, a good many of you will set up homes of your own. I say to the young brothers, you have the responsibility in that home for not only temporal, but spiritual leadership. And you know that if the spiritual leadership is there, the temporal things will fall into line.
One brother many years ago in a general meeting made a remark just in passing, but it stuck with me, and I leave it to you to meditate on it a little bit, because it takes a little meditation. He said, “You know, the Lord Jesus Christ, when He came into this world, was Prophet, Priest and King.” Not that He acted in that capacity altogether in this world, but now in Glory He occupies that position—Prophet, Priest and King. And we have that expression in our Little Flock hymnbook, “Thou Prophet, Priest and King.” “Well,” the brother said, “every brother in his home has the responsibility of being prophet, priest and king.” Oh, you say, “Come on, what do you mean by that?” Think about it for a little bit. A king exercises leadership and authority. A priest brings his people, and in this case the family, into relationship with God and leads them in their relationship with the Lord. A prophet brings before his family the mind of God as revealed in His Word.
I’ve thought a lot about that remark and the more I’ve thought about it, the more I shudder. I said, “Lord, I cannot fill that role.” But the Lord says in His Word to me, “Yes you can!” Because if you recognize that the head of every man is Christ, then you can draw from that source and distribute it to your family. And so when the Lord Jesus was here on earth, the disciples were worried about how they were going to feed the 5,000. The Lord Jesus said, “Give ye them to eat.” “Oh,” the disciples said, “how can we do that? We only have a few loaves and a few small fishes here. We can’t feed them.”
Well, they didn’t realize they could draw on a source that would feed that 5,000 and still have some left over. Husbands (and those who will be husbands when you set up a home of your own), the onus (responsibility) is on you—not only for leadership in temporal things, but also in the things of God.
May I say this: If you exercise the leadership that you should, things will fall into line. It’s very rare that things will go wrong in a marriage if the husband on the one hand is occupied with Christ, and on the other hand is seeking to minister Christ to his family.
Someone has made a good remark, “It is easy for a wife to submit to a husband who loves her, and it is easy for a husband to love a wife who submits to his leadership.”
Well, it works both ways; but just to pass another remark: “When we come to marriage, it not a question of a 50-50 proposition, it is a question of each being 100% for the other and both being 100% for the Lord.” Again that is not original with me, but it bears repeating.
Perhaps enough on leadership. Now let’s talk a bit about love. This is something that is very difficult for me to talk about because when we think of the love that brought the Lord Jesus Christ down into this world we have to say we can’t really talk about it as we’d like to. On the other hand we can talk about love because God always sets before us the perfect example.
Let’s turn for another verse in the Word of God, (a verse that you might not expect us to turn to) in 1 Peter 3 just toward the end of verse 8: “Love as brethren.”
One more verse: 2 Samuel 1:2626I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women. (2 Samuel 1:26). (This is a very sad chapter, but there is a little verse tucked in here that can be a help and encouragement to all of us.) “I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me: thy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of women.”
I say this generally to the sisters as well as the brothers. First of all, before we talk about the kind of love that can exist between a man and a woman, there is a love that can exist in the Lord between individuals of the same sex, which is something—as David says here — “passing the love of women.”
Now I don’t know quite how to express this, and I hope you will understand if we try. Someone has said, “Language is the only vehicle on which thoughts can travel, but sometimes it is not a very good vehicle.” But those who have experienced it will know what we are talking about when we say that the kind of love that can exist between two brothers or two sisters in Christ is something which is true and real, as we read about it here in II Samuel. It is different from the kind of love one might feel for his wife, and yet there is a depth there that can be felt. I say to you young brothers, don’t feel that as soon as you get old enough (whatever age that might be considered to be), that you have to have a girlfriend or you don’t just quite feel fulfilled. Some of the best friendships that I ever made were made when I was single and I still have those dear friends to this day. The bond that existed between us is just something that I can’t explain, because it was based on the love that we both had for Christ, for the truth of God and for the desire to go on for Him, and for the encouragement that we, I trust, were able to be to one another. It is something that I would have missed if I had immediately thought that I had to take up with someone of the opposite sex and spend the rest of my time with her.
Now I don’t say this to make rules, because God leads each of us in different pathways and we cannot make rigid rules in the things of God. But I do say that there is a friendship and a joy in the love that we can have as brethren, which can’t really be experienced or explained in the relationships between two individuals of the opposite sex. Now I don’t mean to say that one cannot enjoy full fellowship. We will get to that in a moment or two. The wonderful fellowship and joys and love that can be experienced in the Lord in married life is something that I cannot explain to those who have not experienced it. It is a joy that as someone has said is second only to conversion. But yet there is a joy in having that love between two individuals of the same sex which has nothing to do with natural relationships, but which has as its object, Christ himself and all that He is. And you know that kind of love has existed all along.
Some years ago a book came into my hands in which there were some letters which had been exchanged between J. N. Darby and J. G. Bellett when they were both nearing the end of the journey. Mr. Bellett was on his deathbed and Mr. Darby was still in good health, but both were elderly. I read those letters that went between them and I thought of the love that existed there. Mr. Bellett was married, Mr. Darby was not. But there was a bond between them that brought tears to your eyes when you read the expressions between two men who had lived and walked with the Lord and served the Lord together for many years. There was a bond there that I cannot explain.
I challenge you young brothers to cultivate that bond. Cultivate the friendship of younger brothers. I read you part of a letter yesterday from Ralph Rule to my uncle Tom Dear. I didn’t have time to copy down much of it, but he made another remark along those lines. He said to my Uncle Tom, “Cultivate the friendship of the young brothers in your assembly. It will bear a lot of fruit in your life,” and it is true.
Our time is almost gone. Let’s read a couple more verses. This time we will talk about love between individuals of the opposite sex. First of all turn to Ephesians 5. These verses are so well known that I hardly need to read them, and yet it seems that every time we read them they have something fresh for us.
One more verse in 1 Peter 3:77Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1 Peter 3:7): “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”
A few days ago, someone asked me the question, “What is the Greek word in Ephesians 5:2525Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:25) for love?” Because you know that there are three words in the Greek language for love. There is the word “eros”; this is a very superficial kind of physical attraction. I’m not a Greek scholar, but I don’t think that word is ever used in Scripture. And there is another word “phileo” from which we get our words such as philosophy, which simply means the love that exists between individuals in natural life. It has the sense of being attached to, having affection for someone in natural relationships. But then we have the word “agape,” which is the word used for Divine love. This is the love that does not require a response on the part of the object. What is the Greek word in Ephesians 5:2525Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; (Ephesians 5:25)? It is the word for Divine love. How could it be otherwise? If it says “as Christ loved the Church” then how could God switch verbs in midstream? It happens in John 21 where the Lord says to Peter, “Simon Peter, lovest thou me?” (Divine love.) Peter says “Yea Lord, thou knowest that I love thee,” but he used the other word “phileo.” Peter didn’t want to say he loved the Lord with Divine love. But here we find the word that is addressed to husbands is the same word as is used with Christ and the Church. That makes me hang my head, because how many of us would ever be able to say that we have loved our wives with Divine love? Yet that is the standard the Lord sets for us.
Young men, older men, this is where God puts you and me. We have the responsibility; and the motive for a husband loving his wife is not that she is beautiful, not that she responds to his love, although she does, not that she treats him properly, not that she keeps her place and all the rest of it, the motive is Christ.
I read a book some time ago and I was going to recommend it to you young people, but it is out of print. It said something to this effect, that sometimes (and I hope that it doesn’t happen to anyone here) a man and woman will get married and the husband will find out some time afterward that he made a mistake. Maybe he missed the mind of the Lord. What do you do now? Well you can do one of three things, naturally. You can do what the world would do. You can say, “This isn’t working. We are going to get a divorce.” Awful word! Totally contrary to the mind of God. Or you can build up a hard outer shell between yourselves and say “Well I can tough it out.” Or you can be crushed by it and bemoan the fact all the time that the woman you married just isn’t quite what you expected. But there is a fourth thing you can do which I believe the Scripture brings before us. I can remember an old brother bringing this before me when I was young, before I was married. He said, “Whatever you do, Bill, if you ever get married, love your wife through everything.” The motive for doing that takes you right out of yourself and right out of the marriage itself and takes you up to a risen Christ in Glory who loved the Church and gave Himself for it. That is one sided. I cannot picture a wife who wouldn’t respond to a love like that.
Our time is gone. Could I refer to one more verse that I think is important? We need to be practical. Turn to 1 Corinthians 7:11Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. (1 Corinthians 7:1). This whole chapter has to do with the advisability and otherwise of individuals getting married and it is beyond the scope of this meeting to enter into that. We more or less covered that yesterday. I leave you to read the chapter for yourself. But the first verse is important. The Corinthians had evidently had a question about these things because they lived in a day when immorality was all over the place. It wasn’t thought anything of in the days in which Paul lived, especially in Greece. These things were rather glorified than condemned. They obviously had a question to Paul about some of these relationships and what should be done. Notice what Paul says, “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.”
You say, “What does that mean”? Well, I don’t like to keep referring to Greek because I don’t know much of it, but if you look up the word for “touch” here, there is more than one word for touch in Greek. The word used for “touch” here is used elsewhere in the Word of God. It has kind of a double meaning as many Greek words do. They can be translated different ways and we just don’t have one English word that can convey all of the thought involved. That same word that is used for “touch” here is also used in other scriptures for “lighting a fire”. Young men, you know when you are lighting a fire. I don’t have to tell you that. I know when I am lighting a fire. The world knows, and I just caution you today. God’s word gives us instruction. I can remember many years ago our late brother Clifford Brown, laying some emphasis on this verse in a reading meeting, and the world was far better morally than it is today, because he has been with the Lord now 14 years. This was long before that—probably 25 or 30 years ago. He said, ‘This is heavenly wisdom for those who will listen to it.” The sadness and the sorrow that young people and older ones too bring into their lives would not happen if this verse were heeded. Do you have an attraction to someone from the opposite sex? Keep your hands off until the Lord shows you that this is the one that He wants you to marry. In fact I will go one step further which will probably bring some wrath upon my head but I just mention it to you. We don’t have a pattern in Scripture for going out on dates. Oh you say, “Hey! Wait a minute! Do you mean to tell me it is wrong?” No, I wouldn’t go that far, because the Lord leads each of us different ways. What I do say is that we do not find in Scripture the feeling that somehow this is the normal and proper pattern of life, and that as soon as we get old enough (whatever age that is) it is right and proper and according to the natural way of things that we should take this girl out and that girl out.
I don’t want to condemn it altogether, because sometimes we can get to know someone in that way and we can be a help to them. But I do say that a relationship that is not going anywhere and simply exists because we feel that we have to have someone for “a date”, is liable to degenerate into what we are warned about in this verse. One thing leads to another and we know what happens. I’ve been moved to tears more than once right here at Lassen by asking “where is so and so that was here last year?” Someone quietly tells me a sad story that started out with this warning not being heeded. Young men, the Word of God in the Old Testament and the New puts the burden on you. The world says the girl is the one who has to call the shots. No, the Word of God puts the responsibility on you, not on the girl.
So I just end with that remark and you will pardon me if I put some stress on that point, but I think it is important. It makes me a little uneasy when I see two young people who have gone out with one another for a few dates, walking hand in hand or with their arms around each other. Oh you say, that’s innocent enough. The Word of God gives us heavenly wisdom for those who will listen. Don’t light a fire, because once it is lighted, it is hard to put it out!