In whatever relationship we stand there are certain responsibilities that devolve upon us, and these can only be properly fulfilled when we understand their nature. There is one Book, and only one, which puts everything in its proper place, and which gives perfect directions for our conduct.
Before these young people were married they occupied the relationship of children to parents. This is a blessed position, especially for Christian children of Christian parents. They did not lack for words of wisdom regarding how to act toward their parents, for God has said, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honor thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise." Eph. 6:1, 21Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. 2Honor thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) (Ephesians 6:1‑2).
It was not merely that they were to obey their parents, but they were to do it "in all things," "in the Lord." This is not the way the flesh would choose, but it is the way of blessing. The parent's decision may not please the child; nevertheless, obedience is to be rendered "in the Lord." How much easier it makes the doing something that we naturally dislike, when we do it "in the Lord." God has constituted certain authorities on the earth, and that of parents is one of them. If children disobey their parents they are also disobeying God. Even though the parents may make mistakes, this does not absolve the child from obedience.
Perhaps the newly married couple had reached the place before their marriage where they were no longer children at home under their parents' roof.
They had passed the stage of childhood obedience, but even then they were told: "Honor thy father and mother." This, we believe, is always obligatory. Honoring father and mother, brings certain blessings; it was the first commandment given to Israel which had a promise connected with it.
It it also likely that before their marriage they had been employed in some capacity. When they took their first position and started to work, they for the first time occupied the position of servants to masters. In this also they needed divine guidance so that they might glorify God in that position. The Christian employee must never gage his conduct toward his employer by that of the unconverted among whom he works. Unfaithfulness and general disregard of the employer's rights and good are to be witnessed on every hand. But God says that the servant is to obey his master in all things, "not with eye-service, as men pleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: and whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men." Col. 3:22, 2322Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God: 23And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; (Colossians 3:22‑23).
All is to be done as to the Lord, and in so doing Christian employees "may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior" (Titus 2:1010Not purloining, but showing all good fidelity; that they may adorn the doctrine of God our Saviour in all things. (Titus 2:10)). The fact that these instructions supposed the case of bond slaves does not in the least lessen their force for those gainfully employed in this day of lawlessness and disregard for authority.
When the Spirit of God would teach husbands and wives their respective responsibilities in Eph. 5, He first brings before them the one great example-Christ and the Church. We thus may learn from the greater what the lesser should be. We would never accurately understand the greater by studying the lesser.
“Christ... loved the church, and gave Himself for it." v. 25. Can anything compare with the measure of that love? Gave Himself! What depths are here expressed! Could love give more? And that giving of Himself took Him all the way through the agonies of Gethsemane, the forsaking by His own, the denial by Peter, the treachery of Judas, the smiting, the spitting, the mockery, and finally the cruel cross where, in those three hours of darkness He was made sin for us, and so, forsaken of a holy God. Well may we exclaim, "The love of Christ, which passeth knowledge," while at the same time seeking to learn more of it.
This then is the great standard set before husbands-"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it." What Christian man occupying that relationship would not feel his shortcoming here? Nevertheless, this is what the Spirit of God sets before us. And from these verses we learn that Christ not only loved the Church in the past (v. 25), but in the present (v. 26) and in the future (v. 27).
“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself." v. 28. Having already set the perfect example before us, the Spirit of God now says that men should love their wives "as their own bodies," for the man and his wife are now one, even as Christ and the Church are one.
The great Apostle learned the lesson of that oneness, and learned it well, when he was smitten by that great light from heaven on the road to Damascus. He had been persecuting the saints, the Church; now the glorified One in heaven let him know that he had been persecuting their glorious Head—"Why persecutest thou Me?”
What man can say, I love my wife as myself? Are we not more ready to think of our bodies, their aches and pains, than to think of our wives? "No man ever yet hated his own flesh." How careful we are to nurse an infected finger! In this way God would teach us something of the measure of the love of Christ to us, and show us what we are to represent in this world. The husband is to be a miniature demonstration of Christ by loving his wife as himself, and as Christ loved the Church.
Oh, the untold unhappiness and mental torture in many homes which are the direct result of the husband's failure to show becoming love to his wife! All this could be prevented in Christian homes by the husbands grasping the truth of how they are to represent Christ, and acting thereon.
There is one more point mentioned in these verses; namely, the husband is to nourish and cherish his wife "even as the Lord the church." As Christ is occupied now with nourishing and cherishing the Church, so husbands should care for their wives. Theirs is the responsibility of providing nourishment, and that not only in the way of food for the body, but spiritual aliment. This will require diligence on the part of the husband, for how can he give to another that which he does not himself possess?
If the husband is to represent Christ, the wife is to represent the Church; and what character does that call for in her? "As the assembly is subjected to Christ" (v. 24; J.N.D. Trans.), so the wives are to be subject to their husbands "in everything." None would deny that the Church has been subjected to Christ; He is her Head; but for a wife to be subject to her husband in everything is contrary to the whole course of the world.
This is a day when God's order is flouted in every sphere of human behavior. Children are not obedient to their parents, nor is such conduct advised or taught in the world. The teaching of "self-expression" for children is man's order, or rather man's disorder. Servants are not subject to their masters. Rebellion against authority is an inherent evil principle, and when it is allowed to work, only confusion and ultimate anarchy will result.
Therefore, for Christian married women the Word of God is plain; they are to be subject to their husbands. It is not a matter of inferiority, but simply one of relative position according to the wisdom of God. The being subject may not always be easy and agreeable; sometimes it may be bitter and hard; but the woman that fears God will do so, and will do it as to the Lord. The blessing of the Lord is never to be had by going contrary to His Word.
There is, however, a very happy way in which most matters may be resolved. If the husband and the wife both desire to do the Lord's will, and both earnestly seek that will, they will happily be of one mind. The husband is not to assert his authority as something to be wielded because of who he is, but he is to show all loving consideration to his helpmeet. If the wife sees in him a spirit of subjection to the Word of God and a true willingness to do whatever it says, it will be much easier for her to be subject, even when her judgment may differ very widely from his. But in any event, her place according to God is one of subjection.
A young husband once went to a servant of the Lord and asked him to speak to his wife and to tell her that the Word of God says she should be subject to her husband. The faithful and wise servant calmly replied, "The Word of God does not tell you that." What it said to him was that he was to love his wife as Christ loved the Church, and as he loved himself. Perhaps there would have been no occasion for speaking to the aged servant of the Lord if the husband had been showing by his conduct the love, the nourishing, the cherishing, that was his responsibility.
When disorder and confusion reign in a Christian's home, it is generally the head who is at fault. Perhaps he has not been showing the love he should, or providing spiritual food for his household; or perhaps he has not exercised his divinely given place of head. It is not a privilege that he has as head; it is a fact, and the responsibility that goes with it should not be shirked. It may be easier, especially if his wife is quite capable, to simply relax and leave all to her. Many wives have gotten out of the place belonging to them simply because their husbands abdicated theirs.
It is really a solemn responsibility that belongs to each husband, and if he fails in fulfilling his part, need we wonder if the structure of the home becomes unstable? When a breakdown occurs, God looks to the responsible head for the reason.
What sorrow Eve would have spared herself if she had referred the serpent to her husband, saying, "He is my head; see him." Adam too was not without fault; he took the fruit from her and ate it in disobedience. One old writer said, "Adam was not deceived, but he was influenced." And how subtle the influence sometimes is! Yet the husband is responsible. God took knowledge of the danger of influence in this tender tie of husband and wife when He said, "If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom,... which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods... Thou shalt not consent... neither shall thine eye pity." Deut. 13. Here was a case where the husband might be influenced into idolatry by the wife of his bosom. Solomon was enticed in this very way, and that great and good man fell into idolatry. A wife can have a great influence either for good or evil, "but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised" (Prov. 31:3030Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)). May our influence one on another be for good; may we exhort one another daily (Heb. 10:2525Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. (Hebrews 10:25)).
Too often the early years of married life are gone through with very little thought as to the relative position of husband and wife, or their respective places and responsibilities. People are apt to coast through those years without seeking out from the Word of God how they should conduct themselves, and in the elapsed time little evil things take root in the home which bear bitter fruit in after years. Every young married couple should know these things from the beginning and seek grace from God to carry them out. Natural wisdom, human love, or the spirit of graciousness, will not carry us straight on our course. Love apart from divine guidance may lead us astray; human graciousness may cause us to acquiesce in what we know is wrong; and human wisdom never was a safeguard for a saint of God. Solomon was the wisest man that ever lived, and he played the fool; and why? simply because he did not do what God told him to do.
First of all, when a king ascended the throne of Israel he was to write out in a book all the law as given by Moses for the direction of God's people-not merely the ten commandments. This was to be the first order of business for a new king. He was not merely to read it, but to write it out. This would impress it more deeply on him. Then he was to "read therein all the days of his life." It would be his safety and his wisdom, for in reading those words of God he was to "learn to fear the Lord his God, to keep all the words of his law and these statutes, to do them." Deut. 17:1919And it shall be with him, and he shall read therein all the days of his life: that he may learn to fear the Lord his God, to keep all the words of this law and these statutes, to do them: (Deuteronomy 17:19).
If Solomon had read therein and feared the Lord he would have been kept from three things which he did, for the king was not to "multiply horses," to "multiply wives," or to "multiply to himself silver and gold" (Deut. 17:15-1915Thou shalt in any wise set him king over thee, whom the Lord thy God shall choose: one from among thy brethren shalt thou set king over thee: thou mayest not set a stranger over thee, which is not thy brother. 16But he shall not multiply horses to himself, nor cause the people to return to Egypt, to the end that he should multiply horses: forasmuch as the Lord hath said unto you, Ye shall henceforth return no more that way. 17Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away: neither shall he greatly multiply to himself silver and gold. 18And it shall be, when he sitteth upon the throne of his kingdom, that he shall write him a copy of this law in a book out of that which is before the priests the Levites: 19And it shall be with him, and he shall read therein all the days of his life: that he may learn to fear the Lord his God, to keep all the words of this law and these statutes, to do them: (Deuteronomy 17:15‑19)).
We might also notice some words of advice to husbands and wives that are to be found in 1 Peter 3. The Spirit of God writing through Peter anticipates the difficulties and trials of the wilderness pathway, and gives wholesome words of warning and guidance. God does not want His children to be unhappy, and if we always walked according to His Word we would not be.
In this passage it speaks of dwelling together as husband and wife. This is beautiful in its place, but who does not know that when two people live together so closely and constantly as married people do, they learn each other's shortcomings and failures? After a time these might produce little irritations and so produce marital unhappiness.
Here, as in Eph. 5, the wife is to recognize the place of headship which has been given to her husband by God, and to act accordingly. She is also to wear an ornament—one that will ever be pleasing to God and that will never go out of style. The world's fashions change constantly, but the ornament of "a meek and quiet spirit" is always in good taste; it is valued at a great price by God. This beautiful ornament is seen and observed best in the confines of the home, in the family circle. There is a special danger of women following the world's fashions, so the Spirit of God brings before them the ornamentation which they should really seek to wear at all times, in contrast with other adorning.
The husband is here admonished to dwell with his wife "according to knowledge." This is not the knowledge that puffs up, but that which keeps us little in our own eyes. How important it is for us to remember our own weaknesses and the great grace that has been shown to us, as also our shortcomings in properly displaying Christ in our relations with our wives. The husband is to remember that the wife is the weaker vessel, and his wife is to find shelter at his side. This is what Christ does for the Church. The admonition should make the husband seek help and strength from God; for what husband does not secretly know that he is not a tower of strength in himself.
A sobering thought is also injected here; marriage is only for a time. They are joint heirs of "the grace of life." They are both going on to another scene where Christ their life will be displayed, and even now they possess together the grace that flows from Christ. Such thoughts as these lift their hearts away from this world to Christ and His coming glory.
By giving attention to these things their prayers will not be hindered. How can two pray together when there is discord or unhappiness between them? And how can they expect answers to their prayers if they are not walking in obedience to God? Who can measure the blessing of husband and wife praying together; it is one of the blessed privileges of "dwelling together.”