I am almost surprised that after so many years' service you should be afraid of knocks. There is a difference of natural character in this besides grace, but if I have a decided judgment and course I trouble myself very little about what people say. If it is for Christ's sake it is our glory. It is not insensibility I look for, but that with Christ all that should be taken for granted. Faithfulness will always bring it. I will not say it is faithfulness, for sometimes God sees good to exercise us thus, but I have had knocks enough to be used to them. I used years ago to think of poor Jeremiah, who felt these things very much. "I. have neither lent on usury, nor men have lent to me on usury; yet every one of them doth curse me" [Jer. 15:1010Woe is me, my mother, that thou hast borne me a man of strife and a man of contention to the whole earth! I have neither lent on usury, nor men have lent to me on usury; yet every one of them doth curse me. (Jeremiah 15:10)]; but I think little of it now one way or another, and do not hear a tenth part of it, so much the better, so do not be uneasy for me. If there be anything to learn from it, and judge in self, it is all a great gain. I have been very ill, first worn out, then a sharp attack on it. This made it uncertain whether I should not have to go to England as unable to work. Thank God I am better, and have through His goodness recovered much strength, and have again returned to the thought of returning if spared by the West Indies-if so, I suppose straight to Kingston; however, that is in the Lord's hand, if He allows me, for I feel that my health got a pretty rude shake. If I do go it would be in winter to spring. My thought would be a visit; a prolonged stay for work I should hardly feel up to....
Our meeting, for we are at our annual Guelph meeting, has had something of a new character, as many from the States who were getting into truth were there; it was a serious, quiet and close study of the word, with a happy spirit of communion among brethren....
We have only to labor on, dear brother, and commit the work to Him who alone does it and carries it on in His own wisdom. Our work has a definite character in New York separate from evil, false doctrine, and the world. May the gracious Lord keep it so. This is a great point in that country. I feel devotedness to the Lord as belonging to Him a capital point in these days: we are His, bought with a price, and to manifest the life of Jesus in all our ways.... I have looked on my visit to the West Indies as a kind of finishing of my course as to outward activity, and have feared my own will in it, for I desired to see you all, and leave it in the Lord's hands as seems to Him good, but if He will, I will see you again. Kind love to all.
Your affectionate brother in Christ.
Guelph,
July, 1867.