Narrated by Himself.
“MY parents were Lutherans. My family is one of the first in the land. Born in 1860 on my father’s estate, I grew up without seeing any living Christianity. I was earthly-minded. My chief pleasures were riding and dancing. At the time, of my confirmation I was somewhat softened, but good resolutions and softening soon passed away, and when, at the end of my studies, I entered a regiment of the Guards at Petersburg, I ceased to trouble myself about religion, and led a life of sin.
“After serving as officer for two years, I took my leave, bought an estate not far from my parent’s property, and soon after married. My marriage was an unhappy one, and I was dissatisfied with life.
Then I went frequently abroad, where I consorted with thoroughly infidel-minded men, who robbed me of the last bit of faith, or what I held for true humanitarian principles, the control and improvement of self. Unrealizable love to one’s neighbor were the views given me in its place. I returned home a confirmed Atheist.
“But however clear these views appeared to me, I was not satisfied. I did not succeed in improving myself, and the fear of death still led me captive. Now it happened that there were some believers of a certain creed on my estate, and as they were people who did not steal or drink, I allowed them to assemble together. I hoped that through their influence there would be less theft and drunkenness on the part of others.
“When the first service of God took place in the room which I had assigned for this purpose, I went to it, considering it right to support it by my presence. I do not remember what was said, but this I know, that as I left the place of prayer, I spoke with these brethren, and said, that although I did not share their belief, which was not for well-educated folk, I wished them prosperity in their work. They, however, prayed for me, and several pamphlets, beseeching souls to come to Jesus, came anonymously with loving words into my hands. I laughed at these messages, but was not offended, as I traced love on their part as the source.
“Now it so happened that I one day met with my pastor. He was a discreet, but thoroughly unconverted and self-satisfied man, more of a landlord than a guardian of souls. I said to him, that as I would like to be a better man than I was, but could not attain my desire, would he give me counsel?
“‘Pray, Baron,’ he replied.
“‘How can I pray, when I do not believe in a God?’
“ ‘Well, that is the only counsel I can give you.’
“ ‘Then my speaking with you on the subject is useless, if you cannot give me any better counsel than that.’
“Dissatisfied with his reply, we separated. But God, who can use dead posts as guide-posts, had let me hear the truth through this pastor.
“When I returned home late that evening, I found a packet of books on my table that the bookseller in the town had sent for me to choose from. Among them I found a work of Count Tolstoi. Beginning to read it, I found he handled the question ‘Why we live,’ in a philosophical but not in a Christian manner. He counseled the exercise of love, which is the opinion of the noblest men of all ages, as Socrates, Jesus-whom he only regarded as a very noble man-and others. This pleased me. It accorded with my ideas. And I read the book all night. Much was said of the noble Jesus, who was so full of love, who thought and spoke so gloriously, and who calmly suffered unrighteously. It was not the dry incomprehensible teaching, that in no way affects the heart, that I had heard from the pulpits. For the first time I was pleased with Jesus, and was not weary in reading about Him. I read and read with increased interest. In that night I began to love Jesus, as one of his companions on earth loved Him. I felt myself drawn to Him, although not yet knowing that He was God from eternity, and the Lord of glory. I loved Jesus, like so many Germans love Bismarck.
“Then I wanted to know more about this Jesus, and it struck me that I could find details of the life of Jesus in my old Bible. I began to read the four Gospels. And as I read of the words and deeds and walk of the Lord, He grew in my estimation, ever becoming greater. He seemed to be more than a man in His love, and power, and wisdom. Suddenly, at the end, the thought struck me, Is He then God? as the pastors say. And then I did not know what to believe, or how to get clear.
“Now I said to myself, Should not you pray? But the answer came inwardly, But I do not believe in a God how then can I pray? However, I can try it. No one will see me, who can laugh at me. So I prayed, O God, if Thou art above, show me the truth.’ This was my first prayer.
“Then I read further in the Gospel of John. And God heard my prayer, and enlightened me by the rays of His light in reading the Word. His Spirit showed me Jesus, and glorified Him. I was obliged continually to repeat, No mere man could think and feel, speak and act like that. In His light I saw light, and the confession was wrung from my heart: ‘Thou art the Son of God. Thou art the King of Israel. Thou art the Lamb of God, that bore my sins on the cross.’
“Then it was that spring came into my heart. Now I could read the Scriptures with quite another understanding. I was filled with inexpressible joy, for Jesus was God. And Jesus, through His precious blood, had fully paid for all, and hence for me, My sins were paid for on the cross of Calvary.
“I thanked, I loved, I praised. I was blessed in His love, redeemed from the fear of death and judgment.
“Since then I have had to pass through many a severe trial, but I do not regret it. What I do regret is, that I have found so late the only thing worth having on earth, and that since I have known Him, I have served Him so poorly.
“Now I am a soldier of Jesus Christ, bearing His armor, and wielding His weapons till the fight is over, the victory won, and the goal reached with Him in light.”
God’s work is perfect and sure. His Spirit is moving in power, where He will, in all parts of the earth. His ways are manifold and wondrous in bringing souls to Himself. He is not willing that any should perish, and He will surely have all His own. Many in Russia, as elsewhere, have turned to Him in His rich grace. Unto Him be all the glory and all the praise.
Dear reader of these lines, what think ye of these things? Perhaps this story of God’s great grace may meet the eye of some poor troubled soul, who hitherto Similarly has turned to human philosophy, or one of the many vagaries of the blinded mind of man, instead of Christ. Be warned: Christ, and Christ only, a living personal Saviour, can meet your need. The same Jesus, whom this high-born Russian officer learned to love, is the only One who can satisfy your heart. His precious blood was shed for all, and all are invited to participate in its infinite value. You are invited whoever you are. The rejected and crucified One is seated now in highest glory, at the right hand of the living God. This is full proof that He is the Son of God. Believe on Him, and all your sins shall be blotted out, for His name’s sake (1 John 2:1212I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name's sake. (1 John 2:12)). Believe on Him, and you shall have everlasting life (John 3:1616For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)). And when He shall keep His faithful promise and return, you, as well as the one of whom you have read, will surely be found among the happy number who shall be claimed by Him for the eternal glory of God.
E. H. C.