The burden on my heart is the preservation of the assembly. Its preservation depends on the preservation of our houses. In Acts 8:33As for Saul, he made havock of the church, entering into every house, and haling men and women committed them to prison. (Acts 8:3) we read: “As for Saul, he made havoc of the church, entering into every house.” I doubt that Saul had the wisdom or understanding to know that the best way to raise havoc with the assembly was not by entering into the assembly, but by entering into the home. However, I do believe that Satan, who had control of Saul at that time, knew very well what he was doing. The result of Saul’s raising havoc was that “men and women” were “committed... to prison.” When we cease functioning as parents in the family, the assembly is devastated.
Let us briefly consider the various characters which are part of a Christian household. Perhaps those who have already passed through some of these various relationships do not feel that there is much in this subject for them. But I would like you to consider that if exercised before the Lord by these things, you might see that the principles we discuss do have an application to you regarding the assembly and your relationship to it. We want to begin with that which marks the beginning of every household: courtship.
Courtship
In Genesis 1:2727So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. (Genesis 1:27) we read, “God created man in His own image, in the image of God created He him; male and female created He them.” In each of the various family relationships this is a distinction that must be recognized and honored: male and female. Now as to courtships, let us read Genesis 2:1818And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18) and note that I will change one word as I read it: “The Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him helps meet for him.” No, it reads “a help meet”—singular. We see this again in Genesis 7:22Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female. (Genesis 7:2) in the account of Noah, where I will once again change the wording to make my point: “Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the males and the females.” No, again the word is “the male and his female.” As we consider the thought of courtship, we see that in God’s mind there is only one mate that He has in view for us.
We men are responsible to start the courtship—to take the first step in it. It is not the female’s responsibility to begin a courtship. It is not a question of asking a girl out to see if she is the one the Lord has for me the human heart was not given to be thus trifled with.
I heard a wonderful question asked at a young people’s sing one time: “How old should you be before you start dating?” What a wonderful opportunity to give guidance to young people, I thought. However, the answer given was disappointing, for it was determined that 16 was about the right age. But there is something far more important than a designated age when young people can begin dating. A courtship should begin with the idea that it’s going to end in marriage. When you are old enough to consider marriage the responsibility of being a husband you can begin a courtship. Courtship is not just for fun or to be carried on until you find that your partner no longer appeals to you. God has not given the human heart for your pleasure.
Marriage
Let’s get married. We see in the beginning how marriage was instituted: “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet” (Gen. 2:1818And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18)). This is still true, and unless God has given you a special gift to rise above the realm of nature in respect to marriage, you’ll find yourself frustrated trying to live outside this relationship. If God calls you as a eunuch for the kingdom of heaven’s sake, He’ll make provision for you to serve Him without distraction. But, in general, becoming a Christian doesn’t change it.
So how does God bring a couple together? In Genesis 2:2121And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; (Genesis 2:21) we read: “The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept.” There’s no thought in Adam’s heart of taking matters into his own hands. He’s in agreement with God and says in his heart, “I’m going to let God bring this helper into my life.” He wasn’t active, for God caused a “deep sleep” to come upon him. You know that “whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing,” but you don’t find her by shopping around. He makes a woman (Genesis 2:2222And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. (Genesis 2:22)), and I believe that in a marriage in the Lord, the female has been created for the male. He has in His wisdom been preparing her for her husband for a lifetime, because He knows our weaknesses, strengths and needs. So in Genesis 2:22-2322And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. (Genesis 2:22‑23) He “brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman.” God will bring into your life the one He has for you. You don’t have to shop around.
I remember when I was a young man, a sister who seemed to feel it was her ministry to bring couples together invited me to her home for supper. It was a great frustration to go there for what I thought was to be an evening meal and, when I arrived, find that she had also invited a young lady to be there. She said to me one time, “Do you think that God is going to open up heaven and put this young lady at your feet?” That is not a question which comes from faith in God. Let us beware of matchmaking, remembering that it was God, not a sister or brother, who brought the woman to the man.
H. Short
Editor’s note: A previous excerpt from this address, on the subject of “Fathers,” has been presented in the March, 1997, issue of the Christian Shepherd. Other topics to be covered in future issues will be “husbands,” “wives,” “mothers” and “children.”