Headship suggests responsibility as well as authority before the Lord. It is not a position of dictatorial power. The Scriptures categorically claim that the husband is the head of the wife. But he is head of the wife as Christ is head of the Church (Ephesians 5:2323For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. (Ephesians 5:23)). Every successful institution has a head. The manner in which the head carries out his responsibilities determines the atmosphere of the institution, whatever it be. The Lord is careful to show the man the manner in which his headship responsibility is to be administered; it is to be done with the same kind of sacrificial love that Christ as its head shows to His Church. There is no thought of the husband assuming arbitrary powers of decision and action simply because he is head. He must remember he has been given a helper. His wife is not a slave nor an employee but a helper, given to him by God. She is the one with whom he is to share everything that arises in connection with his responsibilities. They pray as being heirs together of the grace of life (1 Peter 3:7). For the Christian family, the husband commands respect as head by his manner of life, not by insistence on his position as head.
When differences of opinion do arise between husband and wife, as they surely will, due to different backgrounds, different personalities, etc., this can become a real blessing if there is waiting upon the Lord and deep exercise as to whose opinion is really consistent with the Lord’s will, rather than the husband arbitrarily issuing a declaration. The helper may be more spiritual than he in spiritual matters and more practical than he in other matters.
In the Church the elders are told not to act as lords over God’s heritage, but to be examples (1 Peter 5:3). The same principle would seem good for the family. It would seem from this Scripture that in the assembly the elders ought to have by their examples such spiritual impact that they would command respect and not need to force decisions or behavior. Similarly, when there is a difference of opinion in the family, and the husband is unable to persuade his wife of the wisdom of his opinion, should he not be concerned about his daily walk? Perhaps in his day-to-day dealings he is not generating the spiritual respect that he should as a Christian husband. In any case, if he has to act as a dictator in order to have what he believes to be the Lord’s will carried out in his home, there is something seriously out of order in the home. This is sure cause for deep soul-searching.
It is well to remember that the husband is head of the wife and that he will be held accountable for what happens in his home. In order to avoid disagreement, because of natural weakness or because his testimony carries little spiritual weight, the husband sometimes shirks this responsibility and, thereby, forces his helper to take it over. In such a case neither will be carrying out his role according to the order that God has designed for them. As a result, a great spiritual blessing may be denied the family.
Genesis 18 gives us an example of a well-ordered home that received God’s blessing. Of this home the Lord says, “I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which He hath spoken of him.” v. 19. Notice in this chapter how nicely Abraham and Sarah worked together as one.
It seems appropriate at this stage to caution the young Christian man about the danger of choosing a wrong helper. The qualities he should seek in a wife are these that would make her a strong helper in spiritual and other matters. At the same time the young Christian lady should be able to respect her husband-to-be as the head of the home. For this so-called “age of enlightenment” when Christian young people are falling prey to the corrupted thinking of the world, it is wise for those planning to marry to know where each other stands on this important question of headship and all that it entails.