Bonnie Mendell was a heroin addict. She was addicted to a drug so powerful that sometimes just one shot can set up a craving that nothing will satisfy but more of the same drug, and another heroin addict is born. The power and slavery of that addiction is so great that a person can rarely break it by themselves, and what they go through to break that habit is a terrible nightmare.
Bonnie had a friend who came to her and said, "Bonnie, Jesus Christ can set you free," but Bonnie wanted the pleasures of sin. She wanted her heroin; she wanted the "high" that she got from it. As time went by, the highs were a little less high, and the downs were greater. She found that she needed a shot more often, and soon everything she had and everything she could get went to procure drugs. Even her little girl did not have enough food to eat because of that expensive drug habit.
She began to steal to pay for more drugs, and at last she was caught. Now she is serving her time in a maximum security prison in California. This is her story as she has written it:
Once I was riding to hell on a merry-go-round,
Following others, with no way but down.
Going in circles, getting nowhere,
A mass of confusion my—soul was my fare.
Running a race to torment and grief,
Wanting to stop, wanting relief;
All the smiles on those faces turned to torment,
Not understanding, in circles I went.
Up went the horses, and then down again,
I kept hoping my horse would stay up, but then
I looked toward the center, inside the whirlwind,
I saw a sick creature with a hideous grin.
Laughing at making a wreck of my life,
He was the Master of lies and deceit and strife.
I tried to jump off, but froze on my horse,
I struggled and strained but was stuck to that course.
He kept planting suggestions of guilt and of fear;
I screamed for help, but I knew no one would hear.
As I started to sink for about the last time,
Words began to make sense, from a true friend of mine.
Little by little they all fell in place:
Something about God and salvation by grace;
Something about Jesus setting me free,
Something about Him and His love for me.
She said that He died on the cross for my sins,
But my thoughts were too jumbled to grasp it till
then.
She told me the victory Jesus had won,
What harm just to ask in His name to be done?
So I prayed for relief and for trust and for faith,
And He softened my heart to receive His strength,
And He lifted me off of that merry-go-round,
And planted my feet on His higher ground.
He said, "I'm your Shepherd, My sheep know My voice."
I could tell by His touch that I'd made the right choice.
For once in my life I received peace of mind,
I could leave all my troubles and failures behind.
He said just to follow Him, not to look back;
"Your sins are forgiven; just walk in My path,
And I'll show you what life with My Father can be.
His love is too big for the depths of the sea.
"He has beauty and mansions and streets made of gold—
Too much glory for those here on earth to behold!"
I will sing songs of worship, sing songs of praise,
As I'm nearing my goal, I am changing my ways.
Thank You, dear Jesus, for pulling me through;
Help me, dear Jesus, to be more like You.
Thank You, dear Jesus, for rescuing me;
Thank You, dear Jesus, for letting me see!
Thank You for setting a course for my life;
Thank You for taking my guilt, fear and strife.
My prayer is to learn more about You each day,
And to share You with those who have not found their way.
Bonnie Mendell