L. had been anxious about her soul from early childhood, but she grew up to womanhood without knowing the forgiveness of her sins. It may have been partly owing to the wrong teaching she received; for she was told by those who, while professing to be guides, knew not the way of salvation themselves, that if she gave up the world, and prayed more, she would at length get peace.
But L. loved the world, and though she made many solves to give it up, she found herself unable to resist its pleasures. The illness or death of a friend would make her feel very miserable, for she not only grieved for such, but thought afresh of her own unpreparedness for eternity. At such times she would go to church oftener, and try to conform outwardly to religious observances, which only made her the more unhappy.
If L. had read the Word of God, instead of resting on man’s word, she would have found that God’s way is quite different from man’s way. Man looks within, to find something he can give to God. God gave His Son for the sinner, and says, “Hear ye Him.” L. had yet to learn her utter powerlessness to give anything to a holy God from a fallen, corrupt nature.
When L. was about eighteen, she thought perhaps she should feel happier if she was confirmed; so she went to have a conversation upon the subject, with the clergyman. Mr. G. seemed to think her hardly eligible for confirmation, as she was not sufficiently acquainted with the Catechism, and advised her studying the same, and would then see her again.
“But, sir,” said L. “if I should die before I am confirmed, what will become of me?” “Confirmation.” he answered, “will not fit you to die; it will not make any difference to you whether you are confirmed or not.” “Then, Mr. G. I will not be confirmed.” “Very well,” he said; and they parted. As L. walked home she thought over the conversation with the clergyman.
“He never told me how to prepare for death,” she thought. “Perhaps he did not know my misery. O, that I could be a Christian! Will God have mercy upon me?”
Later on a fierce thought took possession of her, that she would throw herself into the river flowing silently at her side. But there came to her remembrance, “After death the judgment.” Why did that thought stop her wicked design? Many years afterward she would speak of what she then feared; it was not death to the body, but the great white throne, the having to give an account of herself to God. How could she face a holy God unwashed, unforgiven? How could she dare to rush into His Presence, so vile, so unsuitable for eternity? How good of God to hold her back from destruction, and how little she then knew it was His goodness leading her to repentance.
Several years passed away, only leaving her more anxious and dissatisfied. She had tried the world’s pleasures, and she was weary of them. She had passed through deep and bitter sorrows, but the only One who could have sympathized was yet unknown. Would she ever find rest for her burdened conscience? Yes. The One who seeks the lost was seeking her. He was only waiting for her to give up trying, then she would trust Him.
Mentally worn, and really ill, she, went with a Christian aunt to a seaside town. While there it was thought desirable for L. to have medical advice. Dr. M. happened to be staying in the place, so the aunt consulted him about her niece, telling him also of her distressed state of soul. He was greatly interested, and saw her at once; not before he had specially prayed on her behalf. When D. M. handed L. her medicine, he said, “Do you believe this will do you good?”
“Yes,” she replied, “or I would not take it.” “True; so you can trust me, a man, for the healing of your body; and can’t you trust God for the healing of your soul? ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.’” There was a slight pause, then L. looked up. “Doctor,” she said, “I do believe.”
A heartfelt “Thank God,” and shake of the hand, and he was gone.
“My dear L.,” said her aunt, “do you really mean what you told Dr. M.?”
“It would have been untrue to have said anything else. As the question was put to me, I knew that I believed on the Lord Jesus Christ.”
“And are you clear as to the forgiveness of all your sins?”
“No, aunt; but I trust God to show me now, for a great light has dawned upon me, and all fear of the future has gone.”
The following day these scriptures came with power to her soul: “I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for Mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.” (Isa. 43:2525I, even I, am he that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins. (Isaiah 43:25)).
Her burden was gone; she rejoiced with all her heart. She saw how God could blot out her transgressions; not by her strivings, her prayers, her tears, nor anything the ever did, or could do, but solely on the ground of the finished work of the Lord. Jesus Christ. O, how good to her weary soul! What sweet rest! How could she have been so blind, as not to have seen before, that Christ died for her sins, according to the Scriptures; and thanksgiving and praise went up to the precious Savior, whose blood had cleansed her from all sin.
L. was a new creature; she felt she was. Her old companions saw the great change, for her happiness was as apparent as her misery had been, and confession followed. Wherever she went, she ceased not to tell that God had put away her sins, through the precious blood of Jesus, and that He would remember them no more; and then in the words of Scripture she would say, “O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in Him.” (Psa. 34:88O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. (Psalm 34:8)).
L. had arrived at a wonderful stage in her soul’s history—the forgiveness of sins! Could she know anything better? She thought not, and for a time it was her theme. Then she began to think of the One who had wrought such a great deliverance for her, and her heart said, Where is He? Not in the grave surely, for did not the angels tell the women at the empty grave, “Why seek ye the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen.” (Luke 24:5, 65And as they were afraid, and bowed down their faces to the earth, they said unto them, Why seek ye the living among the dead? 6He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee, (Luke 24:5‑6)). And in the fifty-first verse she read, “He was parted from them, and carried up into heaven.”
What a new thought for her, she had a living Savior in glory! What an object for her soul’s worship and praise! O, what a salvation! How she would like to see the One who had redeemed her. She read the Lord’s own words, “I will come again, and receive you, unto Myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.” Would that coming be when she died? No, a living Lord, coming for living saints. L.’s joy became deeper and deeper as she learned more of Christ and His finished work for her.