I was an erring and dead sinner, never regarding the Lord’s Day, or even thinking of Christ’s name, except when sickness came, and I was dreadfully frightened of death. There was a great terror in my mind when I heard of people dying; I wondered whither they were gone; but still I went on and on for years, till my husband was taken very ill. At last the doctor said he could not do anything more for him, for he was dying.
“Dear doctor!” I exclaimed, “what do you mean?”
He answered, “I will try one more medicine, and if that does no good he can’t live.”
When the doctor had left my cottage I found myself with my dying husband alone. One terrible thought filled my heart—if he dies he will go to hell! I ran out of the cottage crying bitterly. There was a young man passing, and seeing me in tears he asked what was the matter, and I told him the doctor had said that my husband was dying. He asked me if he should go and send another doctor; I begged him to rather send a clergyman.
The only thought still on my mind was, if he dies he will go to hell.
The young man started off, and sent a servant of Christ, who quickly came. As he entered, he inquired, “You have a husband very ill, have you?”
I answered, “Yes, I have; please walk upstairs,” and I followed him.
He approached the bedside and said to my husband, “Do you know if your sins are forgiven?”
I told him he must not talk so to my husband, for he had not sent for him; but if he would please tell him where he could find comfort, as he was very ill. So this Christian read the Scriptures to him, and then knelt down and prayed. In his prayer he asked God to make the sick man’s wife a blessing to him. I told him he must not pray so, since I was a far greater sinner than my husband, as I had never read the Bible to him.
God’s servant spoke of the poor woman that touched the hem of the Savior’s garment, and was made perfectly whole, and then left us.
After this I felt that I should be the one to go to hell, and not my poor husband, for I had not only my own sins, to answer for, but his. Ah! the dreadful state I was in! I could not eat; I could not sleep; I paced my room and cried to God to save my husband’s life, pleading that he was a poor heathen, and all through me. Yes, it was all my fault, my whole life had been spent in serving Satan. O! what a wretched woman I felt and was now! with no hope for my husband’s life or for his soul, or for my own soul.
I went upstairs and knelt down beside my husband and cried so, that for a time I could not speak to God. Then how earnestly I besought Him to forgive me, and not to send my husband to hell through my sin.
The same dear Christian friend came often to see us, and how I welcomed his visits! Not a word that he said or read ever slipped my memory. After he left, I would sit by my dear husband and read the same scriptures all over again to him, hoping he would get comfort. I then knew nothing of the salvation of God; we were so ignorant, and the Bible had been a strange book to us up to this time.
My husband gradually got better; and, after a time, when he could be left, I said to him, “Now, dear, you can do as you like, but as long as I live I shall go on the Lord’s Day to hear the Word of God,” and I started off. In the evening he asked, “Going again?”
“O, yes!” I answered, “and as soon as you are able to go out you must come too.”
My eyes were now opened. I saw God’s way of saving sinners was through the gift of His beloved Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. But yet I had not taken Him for myself, and I could not rest, for I kept looking in at my wretched self, and at what I had done. The kind Christian, who had come to me in my great trouble, still came occasionally to see me and talked with me, but my sad state of soul continued.
One day I was speaking to a woman about God’s wonderful book and asked her if she knew she was saved. “O, yes!” she said, and quoted this passage of Scripture: “By grace are ye saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God.” I saw it immediately, that God had given Christ for me, yes, for wicked me, and that I was saved through faith in Him. Ah! the joy, I could not contain more. I was constrained by His love to tell my dear husband of the wondrous peace I now enjoyed, and that I had now in Christ all I wanted, for this world and for eternity. He seemed quite afraid of me, and perhaps thought I had lost my mind. How differently I prayed now by his bedside; it was all praise and thanksgiving.
I took my precious Bible, and went from house to house in our village to tell of the blessed Savior of sinners. Especially I went where I heard anyone was dying, and most blessedly did God work. Many, hearing of my joy in Christ, came to my cottage to hear the Bible read, and to inquire what they must do to be saved.
My dear readers, many years have passed since this great change took place, and my blessed Savior seems more and more precious to me, and nearer and nearer every day. What joy to be even now all day in His precious company; but what will it be to see Him as He is when in the Father’s House above! O, let us fill up our time for our Lord and Master, who loved us unto death. Souls surround us on every hand who are treading the broad road to hell; what are we doing, who have God’s Holy Spirit dwelling in us, to help them into the narrow way? Are we so living that others may be blessed through us? We are not saved to live to ourselves, but unto Him who died for us and rose again (2 Cor. 5:1515And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again. (2 Corinthians 5:15)).