“That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, chat the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4-54That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:4‑5)).
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (1 Peter 3:1-41Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. 3Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (1 Peter 3:1‑4)).
The first relationship brought before us, both in Ephesians and Colossians, is that of the wife. All these exhortations, indeed, commence with those from whom submission is due. As one has said, “This is the genius of Christianity in our evil world, in which man's will is the source of all the evil, expressing his departure from God, to whom all submission is due. The principle of submission and of obedience is the healing principle of humanity; only God must be brought into it in order that the will of man be not the guide after all. But the principle that governs the heart of man in good is always and everywhere obedience. I may have to say that God must be obeyed rather than man; but to depart from obedience is to enter into sin. A man may have, as a father, to command and direct; but he does it ill if he do it not in obedience to God and to His word. This was the essence of the life of Christ: 'I come to do thy will, O my God.'“
Accordingly the apostle begins his exhortations, with regard to relationships, by giving the general precept: “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:2121Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. (Ephesians 5:21)). It should be remarked that the true reading is “the fear of Christ.” Hence it is according to a divine order that the subject relationships in each case should come first; and consequently the wives are addressed before the husbands.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and He is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-2422Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. (Ephesians 5:22‑24)). It will be seen from this Scripture that the position of the wife is one of subjection. We say “position,” because, as the careful reader will perceive, the exhortation is based upon the character of the relationship. The wife is indeed enjoined to obedience, but it is on the ground of the place she occupies. This has been somewhat obscured by the insertion of a word or two in the translation. We read, “As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be”; but omit the word “let,” which, as the italics indicate, has been introduced, and we have then a simple statement of fact: “As the church is subject unto Christ, so also the wives to their own husbands in everything.” It is important to notice this, because the obedience, which is here enjoined upon the wife, is then seen to be that which should flow out of the position in which she is set—the natural fruit of the relationship. In other words, obedience to her husband is not left to the choice of the wife, but is to be rendered because of her relative place. It is this fact the Spirit of God brings before our notice.
(1.) The law, then, of the wife is her husband's will; or rather she is put in the place of subjection to his authority. There would seem to be one limitation to this statement, indicated by the words which are found in Colossians, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord” (Col. 3:1818Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18)). If therefore the will of the husband should interfere with the wife's individual responsibility to the Lord—come into conflict with the Lord's will as expressed in His word—if the alternative be forced upon her of obedience to her husband or disobedience to the Lord, then the Lord must have the supreme claim. With this solitary exception her submission to her husband must be complete. “As the church is subject unto Christ, so also the wives to their own husbands in everything.” There cannot thus be any allowed exception apart from the one named.
The ground of this lies in the nature of the relationship: “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.” The comparison is thus drawn—the one being a type or figure of the other—between the union of man and wife and the union of Christ and the church; and consequently between the position of the wife on the one hand, and on the other the position of the church. And if we turn for a moment to, what may be termed in one aspect, the primal institution of marriage, we may see how remarkably the mystery of the church was foreshadowed. “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made (margin, “builded”) He a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen. 2:21-2421And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. 24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:21‑24)). Who can fail to see that in this picture Christ, the last Adam, and the church were before the mind of the Spirit of God? so plainly does it speak to us of that deeper sleep, the death of Christ, and the formation of the church, as it were, out of His side. It goes on indeed to the time spoken of in Ephesians 5:2727That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:27), when the church “shall be brought unto the man,” and when He, in the complacency of His perfect love for the bride which has been “budded” for His own joy, shall acknowledge her as “bone of His bones, and flesh of His flesh” (Gen. 2:2323And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. (Genesis 2:23); Eph. 5:3030For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. (Ephesians 5:30)).
The wife therefore occupies the same place relatively to her husband as the church to Christ; and hence her position, as before said, is one of subjection. And it may be needful to remark that her place is in no way affected by the character of the husband. It is quite true that her position may in many cases be rendered extremely difficult. For example, a Christian wife, converted after her marriage, may have an ungodly husband, and one who renders her life as wretched as it is possible for his evil heart to make it; still her place remains untouched by this or any other circumstance; and the more difficult it may be rendered, even by absence of affection on the part of the husband, or of features of character which would command her respect, the more careful she must be to occupy her place in faithfulness to the Lord. Just indeed as our duties to kings, “the powers that be,” are altogether irrespective of their personal character, so the duty of a wife to her husband is never altered by his character.
It may seem to some as if the duty of the wife, as so explained, were one of the hard sayings difficult to receive. And to nature, no doubt, it would be often impossible. But mark the provision made for this in the Word: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Thus the Lord Himself is brought before the mind of the wife; and we all know that things which in themselves arc irksome and indeed intolerable are rendered light and joyous when done unto the Lord. So in the case supposed, if the wife keep the Lord before her—sees the Lord as it were behind her husband—she will find obedience easy to his most unreasonable commands, because she will then receive all from the Lord.
If, however, “a husband were to command that which would be positively sinful, then at once I learn that I am not bound, because I am told to submit to my husband as unto the Lord. The Lord would never sanction what is sinful. He may put me through the sieve, and I may not at first understand the goodness or the need of it; but faith constantly finds its strength and guidance in the Lord's wisdom—in trusting Him, and not my wisdom in understanding Him.... But we have most carefully to watch ourselves in this matter. 'Wherever there is the smallest tendency to slip out of the path of submission, we have to search and see, if we are wise according to God.
Nature never likes to be subject. And wherever there is a danger of pleading the truth of God for any act that might seem to be a want of submission to the authority of another, I have need to watch myself with greater jealousy than in any other thing.”
(2.) The Scriptures also point out the manner in which the wife should comport herself towards her husband. Let “the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Eph. 5:3333Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)). Peter, in like manner, speaks of the wife's “chaste conversation coupled with fear” (1 Peter 3:22While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. (1 Peter 3:2)). The word “fear” is the same as that rendered “reverence” in Ephesians, and teaches that there should be a recognition, manifested in the deportment, of the position which the husband occupies in the order and appointment of God. There is no thought of slavish dread, but simply the loving reverence which seeks to please, and fears to offend. This indeed will naturally spring from her giving her husband his true place—his place as her head; and hence, in yielding him reverence, she magnifies also the appointment of God.
It is in such a wife that “the heart of her husband doth safely trust....She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life,” and he will thus be drawn to confess that “whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord” (Prov. 31:1111The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. (Proverbs 31:11); Prov. 18:2222Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22)).
(3.) Nor are the Scriptures silent as to the blessing connected with the faithful acceptance of the wife's true position. The apostle Peter, when writing on this subject, specifies the most difficult case of all—that of a Christian wife who has an unbelieving husband. It must not be supposed that he sanctions the marriage of a believer with an unbeliever. That is prohibited, both expressly and by implication (see 1 Cor. 7:3939The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39); 2 Cor. 6:14-1814Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, 18And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty. (2 Corinthians 6:14‑18)); but in the early church it must have continually happened that converted wives— that is wives converted after marriage—found themselves linked with unbelieving and idolatrous husbands. (See 1 Cor. 7:10-1610And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. 12But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. 13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. 15But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. 16For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? (1 Corinthians 7:10‑16).) It is of this class the apostle speaks when he says, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear” (1 Peter 3:1-21Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; 2While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. (1 Peter 3:1‑2)). This amounts almost to a promise that loving obedience, and consistent Christian walk and purity of life, shall be blessed to the conversion of ungodly husbands; or, if not so much as this, it is at least an assertion that such is God's appointed means to bring the truth before their minds and consciences. And what indeed could be more effectual than the constant silent presentation of Christ in walk and life to an unbeliever? It is worthy of distinct remark that the apostle does not urge upon the wife to exhort her husband to receive the truth. It is “without the word” that the husband is to be won—by the conversation (walk, deportment, demeanor, whole manner of life) of the wife. The reason is obvious. Exhortation would be the assumption of a superior position, in forgetfulness that the husband is head of the wife, and therefore incompatible with the wife's position. But the calm beauty of a life reflecting in the power of the Spirit the gentleness, meekness, and humility of Christ, would constitute, in the order and blessing of God, a far mightier appeal than her words, and prove the efficacious means, it might be, of his being brought out of darkness into God's marvelous light.
(4) There are other directions to which it is necessary to advert in order to have a complete view of the subject; for we cannot safely neglect a single word which God in His tender mercy has been pleased to vouchsafe for our guidance, during the little while that we are waiting for the return of our Lord.
(a) The first of these is as to dress. The apostle thus proceeds: “Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on apparel; but let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (1 Peter 3:3-43Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; 4But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (1 Peter 3:3‑4)). In entire accordance with this, for it is the mind of the same Spirit, St. Paul writes: “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; but (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works” (1 Tim. 2:9-109In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; 10But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. (1 Timothy 2:9‑10)). In both places the temptation is recognized which so often presents itself to the mind of a wife—of appearing as beautiful as possible in the eyes of her husband, and at the same time of stimulating and feeding personal vanity by outward adornments and costly array.
Now, it is sometimes said that these matters of ornaments and dress are left to individual consciences; but it is difficult to understand such language in the light of these precise directions. It is quite true that where the heart is satisfied with Christ, there may be no need for their application; but if this be the case, the slightest acquaintance with God's assemblies reveals the humbling fact that they are composed of immense numbers whose hearts are not thus satisfied. Nothing can be more sad than the scene which is oftentimes presented at the table of the Lord. When we are thus gathered by the Spirit of God, it is to show the Lord's death until He come. (1 Cor. 11:2626For as often as ye eat this bread, and drink this cup, ye do show the Lord's death till he come. (1 Corinthians 11:26)). And surely, as we remember Him in death, we are reminded also that by His cross the world is crucified unto us, and we unto the world. (Gal. 6:1414But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world. (Galatians 6:14)). What a contradiction therefore, if any, forgetful of the judged character of the scene through which we are passing, appear there with evident traces of Egypt upon them. And how grieving to the Lord Himself to see those who are professedly outside the camp bearing His reproach, with so many outward signs of worldliness in dress and ornaments—evidences of being practically “alive in the world,” whatever may be true for them before God.
Neglect of dress, or even of adornment, is not directed; on the other hand, attention is to be paid to it, but according to the word of God. Thus St. Paul says that women should adorn themselves in modest apparel; that is as the word might otherwise be given, “moderate,” “well-ordered” dress. It is to be of the kind befitting the “meek and quiet spirit,” so that there may be congruity between the dress and the character. Ornaments likewise are permitted; but they are to be made, not of gold or pearls, but of good works, “as becometh women professing godliness.” All the Scriptures bearing upon this subject demand the prayerful consideration of all Christian wives; and the results would surely be to the Lord's glory in a more distinct outward testimony to the place of rejection (in fellowship with the sufferings of Christ), and of separation into which we have been called by the grace of our God.
Another direction, especially to young wives, is that they should be “keepers at home” (Titus 2:55To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. (Titus 2:5)), or, according to another reading, “workers at home.” The meaning in either case is much the same; for wives are reminded that their sphere of service is home, and that no work or pleasure should be suffered to interfere with their domestic position. It is God who has given them the home as their field of labor; and hence it is a matter of faithfulness to Him that they diligently occupy it.
Other special directions need not be enlarged upon; but combined with the foregoing Scriptures, they present the divine standard for the wife; hence every Christian woman who occupies this position will use these special Scriptures as her mirror, and into it she cannot look too often. It is a wondrous sphere she is called upon to fill; and her occupation of it, in obedience to the word “as unto the Lord,” is the one thing given her to do. Solomon thus speaks of such a wife:
“Strength and honour are her clothing;
And she shall rejoice in time to come.
She openeth her mouth with wisdom;
And in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household,
And eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously,
But thou excellest them all.”