Altogether a Christian
MY soul was now perfectly satisfied that Jesus of Nazareth was the Messiah of Israel, and also the Savior of all men, who truly believe on Him. But I could not possibly realize that He was my Savior, and that He had redeemed me; and this filled me with sorrow. I was convinced that none but Jesus, once crucified, now exalted by God to His right hand in heaven, could save my soul; yet when I remembered how I had hated—yes, how many times I had cursed that holy Name, I could not believe He would extend His mercy or His salvation to me.
Mr. Stern comforted me; he assured me the more sinful I felt, the more certain he was Jesus the Lord would pardon me. He often knelt and prayed with me, and his prayers sank deep into my heart. "If Christ does but pardon my sins," said I, "I must make a public profession of His Name, and of my faith in Him.”
Mr. Stern requested me to write him a letter expressing myself openly and this I did, upon which he appointed a day for my baptism—Sunday, February 4th, 1872.
My desire to publicly confess my faith in Jesus of Nazareth made me long for the day to arrive, but my heart was still burdened with thoughts of my beloved parents cutting me oft from them. I wept bitterly at the prospect of being cut off from the love of my beloved mother, and the temptation became very great, but, thanks be to God, He enabled me by His almighty grace to triumph. I read these words of Jesus—" He that loveth father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me" (Matt. 10:3737He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. (Matthew 10:37)), and, as I considered the great love of my parents toward me, I considered also the unutterable love of Jesus. I meditated upon the manger in Bethlehem—the carpenter's shop in Nazareth—the hall of Herod—the scorn and the mocking of Jews and Gentiles—the crown of thorns upon His royal brow—the rugged nails piercing His hands and feet—the spear opening His side—and, more, the grave wherein His holy body, that never saw corruption, was laid; and-as I thought of His love, I asked myself, "Can there be greater love than this?" The words of the hymn were certainly in my heart—
"Alas! and did my Savior bleed?
And did my Sovereign die?
Did He devote that sacred head
For such a worm as I?
“Was it for sins that I had done
He bled upon the tree?
Amazing pity! grace unknown!
And love beyond degree!”
On Friday evening (the Jewish Sabbath), February and, 1872, I visited Mr. Stern, who engaged with me in earnest prayer; and also on the evening of the Lord's day, on the morning of which Jesus my Redeemer arose from the dead, I renewed my devotions in the house of my true Christian friend.
The service was conducted in Hebrew, and I received Christian baptism in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. A large number of Jews attended the service, drawn together by curiosity.
After the service was over they followed me, throwing stones and old slippers at me, reproaching me with bitter things, so that I was very glad to escape to the "Home." Yet, as I looked at the crowd of Jews following me, I could but pray for them. They were my own people according to the flesh. "Lord, have mercy on them, for they know not what they do.”
One evening after this I visited an old Jewish friend, who opening the door shook hands warmly with me. Then he inquired where I lived, and what I was doing. I hardly knew how to answer him, for to confess Jesus
I knew would offend him, while to deny Christ I dare not. Then these words of His came to my mind, "Whosoever shall be ashamed of Me and of My words, of him shall the Son of Man be ashamed, when He shall come in His own glory." (Luke 9:2626For whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, of him shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he shall come in his own glory, and in his Father's, and of the holy angels. (Luke 9:26).)
"What do you think of the Messiah?" I inquired of him.
"Do you believe in the impostor?" he cried.
"Whom do you call an impostor?" said I.
"Why, Jesus Christ.”
"My friend, you may call Him so, but He is my own blessed Savior and Redeemer," I said, and I sought to show him the truth, but he spat in my face, and commanded me to leave his house, slamming the door upon me. This was a great discouragement, but I prayed for grace and courage.
A few days later I met a young Russian acquaintance; he was so delighted to see me that he fell upon my neck, in the middle of the London street, and kissed me. After a little conversation, he found I believed in Jesus, and in a moment his whole manner toward me changed. "Away, you dog! Away, you wretch!" he cried, and spitting in my face he turned away.
No one has a just idea what trials a Jew, who really becomes a Christian, has to pass through. I received several threatening letters, warning me of death unless I gave up Christianity. The following instance will show the intense hatred the Jews have against any one of their number who becomes a Christian. I called upon a family of pious Jews, after I had become a Christian, and introduced the subject of the Messiah to them. They did not speak ill of His name, like others, and were apparently kind towards me, asking me to visit them again and again, which I did with pleasure. But I began to suspect something was wrong, and felt I must be on my guard. One afternoon a young Jew met me, and promised, if I would vow not to declare his name, that he would tell me something of importance. He then said a plot had been made to poison me in the house of this old friend, and that I was to be offered a glass of wine, which would be my death.
God thus intervened and spared my life, and I realized the truth of the words of Jesus, "They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service." (John 16:22They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. (John 16:2).)
But far more bitter than the hatred of the Jews in England, and their attempts on my life, were the letters I received from my home. My beloved father wrote:—
" Oh, woe is me! woe is me! you have filled us with eternal shame and disgrace. Since we heard that you are a believer in the bastard we have not ceased to weep. Cursed is the hour when I was married! Better far had it been if I had been born a stone and not a man 1 Woe is me I bitter is me! Will you not have mercy upon us? Oh, do be mindful of us, and repent and turn away from the Christian faith. Think of your father and mother, sisters, and brothers, whose days you have darkened.
“Remember, my beloved Isaac, you cannot find a father or mother in the world. I cannot rest because of my sorrow. Oh, Isaac! Isaac! Isaac! through you I shall never be able to enjoy heaven. What is my life?—better had I never been born. Your mother has become a different being since she heard the dreadful news. Your brothers and sisters, oh! would it not be better for God to take their lives away than to leave us to go in old age in shame to the grave? My prayer is that God may cut off our whole family, rather than we should live in the misery you have brought upon us, or else I pray God to cut you off.
"What is the hope of a Jew but to have his good sons in remembrance in after generations? But woe is me! for the remembrance that I brought you up will be shame and eternal disgrace.
“Your brother Hessel is most prosperous in the province of Grodno and Kovno, but when I think of you I wonder why the Lord God has cursed me with such a curse. I always thought that I should have joy from you, seeing I did all in my power to bring you up in a way in which not many fathers in Kovno bring up their children. My heart is overwhelmed with sorrow, grief, and woe. I cannot write any more.
“I remain, your mourning Father,
"LION LEVINSOHN.”
"Your sister wishes me to enclose a short letter from her.”
“To my kind and ever loving brother Isaac,—I salute you, beloved brother; may you live long! Dear, tender, and loving brother, have compassion on us, and see that we may not have shame and everlasting disgrace; remember we are only young children; destroy not our world. Oh, do not pour our blood in shame! for we are your little sisters and brothers, young children. Have pity on us. God bless you, loving Isaac.
“I remain your ever affectionate sister, who wishes you every happiness and heavenly blessing,
"MEITTA ESTHER LEVINSOHN.”
My reply to these most painful letters I now lay before the reader, and also further correspondence received from my home.
“To my dearly-beloved parents; may you live long in joy, peace, and true happiness! Amen.
“My dear Father,—I am sure that I have no language with which to express the deep sorrow of heart and soul which I have felt since I received your letter of January 12, 1872. I would like to be able to let you know the feelings of my heart, but I know it is impossible for me to do so; but I pray the Most High to be very gracious to you, and reveal unto you the glorious truth which alone satisfies the longings of every heart. I know, dear father, that you are living a holy life, and would to God that all Israel lived such lives as you and my beloved mother. You know that it has always been my desire to be very good, and honor you, my father and my mother, and obey the Taryag Mizvess (613 precepts). How I longed to do the things which you told me pleased God! Dear father, I must confess that I did all I knew that was required of me, but, to my regret, I never felt satisfied in being under the written and the oral laws; you also remember, dear father, how I feared the moments of death, and my great responsibility before God. Nothing in the world seemed to satisfy my soul. Many of the letters received from you I almost worshipped, because I considered your fatherly love and your holy counsel. I also visited many Jewish friends, asking them to teach me the way of salvation; but, alas! dear father, neither your letters nor the teaching of all the friends who were kind enough to help me, could silence the yearning of my heart. But ever since I was convinced of the truth that the MESSIAH HAS COME already, and that the object of His advent was to seek and to save that which was lost, to redeem those who had sold themselves as slaves to the passion of their hearts, to the power of sin and Satan; that He came to comfort them that mourn; to give them beauty for ashes, joy for sorrow, and eternal rest to the heavy laden, in Him I have been satisfied.
“I know well that you do not like me to write so favorably of the Nazarene whom you hate; but I remember when I hated Him; and now, I thank the God of our fathers for bringing me out of the awful state I was in, and for revealing to me the light of the Sun of Righteousness. The name of the Nazarene is hated by you, but you like to write of persons or of any object you admire; I, therefore, write about the Nazarene, knowing what He has done for me in order to save my ruined soul; and as I love Him with all my soul, I cannot help but write and speak of Him.
“Believe me I do not write this letter to grieve you; but I write praying that the God of our holy fathers may appear to you when you read this, and that you may be convinced, as I am myself, that there is no way of salvation but through JESUS, the Messiah, who is the only One through whom sinners can be pardoned. Believe me, if I could possibly convince you, and make you believe the same truths which I am thankful for knowing, I would not count my life too great a sacrifice in order to be the means of bringing you to the truth of Jesus Christ.
“Just one thing I would desire to impress upon your mind, that although I believe in Jesus Christ, and look to Him as the only hope of my salvation, yet I am willing and ready to give it all up if you can only prove to me that the Christian religion is not the true religion; and I will repent of all you think are errors, and make a public confession of them. I would go at once to the great Dr. Adler, the chief Rabbi of England, and confess my sins before him, and before the whole congregation of Israel, if you can only prove to me that I am in error. I will gladly afflict my flesh for three years by fasting every Monday and Thursday, and also go to the synagogue every day and prostrate myself at the door, and let everyone tread over me. But if you cannot prove it to me, then I must remain a believer in Him whose name I once hated, but which is now very sweet to me.
"Dear father, I hope you will not forget me—I am your son. You say in your last letter things which grieve me very much; I hope that the fatherly love you have had towards me will still remain. I love you, dear father—nothing is too much to give up for you—but I must say I love my Jesus more, and my life is not mine, but it is His.
“Dear father, the other day I was very much interested in reading the History of Josephus (Yosifun), in the Hebrew language. I know that you have a copy at home, and am sure you will gain instruction if you don't read it with a prejudiced spirit. If you refer to the period of the reign of Herod, in the time when Pontius Pilate was Governor in Jerusalem, you will find it reads thus:—
There was about this time a wise Man—if it be lawful to call Him a Man, for He was a doer of wonderful works—a Teacher of such men as receive the truth with pleasure. He drew over to Him both many of the Jews and many of the Gentiles. He was [the] CHRIST; and when Pilate, at the suggestion of the principal men amongst us, had condemned Him to the cross, those that loved Him at first did not forsake Him, for He appeared unto them alive again on the third day, as the divine prophets foretold. There are ten thousand other wonderful things recorded concerning Him; and the tribe of Christians, so named after Him, are not extinct to this day.'
“Now, dear father, is not this a great proof of the Divinity of Jesus Christ?
“Surely, whichever way we look and study, one cannot help learning that the MESSIAH has come, and Israel, alas! is in ignorance of this blessed truth. There is a very striking prophecy by CHRIST JESUS, which proves to be fulfilled, and still is fulfilling, recorded in that little Book (the New Testament) which I sent to you. You will find when JESUS was taken by our unfortunate ancestors, and by the barbarous Romans, to Gilgal (Golgotha) to be put to death, several women walked with the great multitude, and wept because of the affecting sight—a young Man, in the vigor of His life, in the strength of His manhood, suffering so bitterly. Then Jesus said to the daughters of Jerusalem: ' Weep not for Me, but for yourselves and for your children.' And in another place, our ancestors uttered the terrible words: ' Crucify Him! His blood be upon us and our children.' Now, when I consider those words of Jesus and the words of our ancestors, I am not surprised when I read in history of what our nation had to suffer. We read that in the year 77, according to the Christian era, our beloved nation's blood was flowing in the streets of Jerusalem and Judea. Only think, about 20,000 of our ancestors were massacred in the neighborhood of Caesarea; about 10,000 in Damascus; 10,000 in one night at Scythopolis; 50,000 at Alexandria; 8000 at Joppa; and in the holy city of Jerusalem about 1,100,000 perished, and about 97,000 were taken captives and made slaves.
“Dear father, was not this the fulfillment of the words of Christ: ' Weep not for Me, but for yourselves and for your children '; also of the words of our brethren; ' His blood be upon us and our children'?
"My very earnest prayer is, that Israel may be brought to the knowledge and the truth which is in Jesus Christ; and oh, that the time soon may come when the Spirit of grace and of supplication may be poured out upon Israel, and Israel may look to Him whom they have pierced, and mourn as one that mourns over his firstborn, and acknowledge Jehovah as the only true God, Jesus the Messiah, and the Holy Spirit as the only Comforter and Sanctifier. I cannot write very much more in this letter; but I hope to be able to send you another letter in a day or two. I shall be glad to send you my photograph when I write to you next time; and will also send you some English money for curiosity's sake, as you never saw such coins. Good-bye, dear father.
"I remain, my beloved father,
“Your ever-affectionate Son.
“Palestine Place, Cambridge Heath, London,
"February 14, 1872.”
My father wrote to me after receiving four letters which remained unanswered:
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“My loveliest and dearest son Isaac,—All that has happened to you I know. You have turned aside out of the way of our Jewish religion, and have embraced another. Oh, my dear son Isaac, Isaac, Isaac! have you forgotten that for nearly seventeen years you dwelt with us, and that we your parents brought you up, and taught you to stand upon your legs? And now you have withdrawn yourself from us; your face is gone, and your religion is gone also.
"My dearest, loveliest child Isaac, Isaac! Remember, remember, remember! Even before your birth you were a care to your mother. Three years she bare you an infant in her arms. For two of these years you sucked the milk of her breasts, and since then we have nurtured you. Have you forgotten all this? Four years ago, when you were dangerously ill, and I told your mother to send you to the hospital, do you remember what your mother replied?—' My house is not for myself; my life is not for myself; they are for my dear child Isaac. He shall remain at home, and the physician shall visit him every day;' and now have you forgotten all this, and turned away from me your father, from your mother, from your sisters and brothers, and from all our family, and, worst of all, from God? Remember these things, my son!
“Ah! have you forgotten how, but two years ago on the day of atonement, while you were with us, we worshipped together in one synagogue, and prayed together out of one Prayer Book? Last year, on the eve before the day of atonement—it was the day on which you arrived in London—we were sitting round the table, I, your mother, sisters, and brothers, when, all at once, we began every one of us to weep, and lament, and to cry aloud: Woe unto us, for our beloved Isaac is not with us at home, and we shall see him no more!' And then our friends and neighbors assembled in our house, and sought to comfort us; but your mother refused to be comforted.
“It was on the feast of Purim that we received the bad intelligence that you had become a meshumad. Imagine how we received it! Your mother became sick and sightless; I fell fainting to the ground; all our children stood about us crying, weeping, and lamenting. Then many people gathered around us, who lifted me up from the ground, and called me to life again, asking me, 'What has happened?' What answer think you could I give? Your mother prays every day to God that He would put an end her life, and wishes, every minute to be dead rather than that she should live, and know that she has a son a meshumad.
"My dear son, all this has taken place; but you yet have time to repent, and then, at least, you will be saved in the world to come. The advice that I give you is this—Come back home and become a pious Jew.
“For God's name sake, my dear child, do not forget what I have written to you. Often read this letter, and bear in mind the tears which we are shedding for you—I, your mother, and all the family—because you alone of all our house have become a meshumad. But there is still more time for you. If you do not like to come to Russia, write and say, and ask Dr. Adler to write and say that you have become a Jew; and then I am again your father, and your mother is again your mother, and we shall be all to you as we were before; then you will be happy. But if you will not do this—if you will not repent—then we will have nothing more to do with on. We want neither your money nor photograph; nay, we will not count him ever to be our son who has become a meshumad; but we hope that for the sake of my own, and of your mother's pious forefathers, and also for the sake of our little children, it shall never come to pass that you shall be a meshumad.
"If you do all this I write to you to do, we wish you great happiness, and God will bless you; but if you do mot, then farewell! farewell! farewell! I am not your father, your mother is no longer yours, your sisters and your brothers are no longer your relations, and you can no more claim at all the name of a Jew. Farewell! farewell! farewell!”
After the receipt of this most grievous letter I wrote about twenty times to my home, but no answer came; and the last letter I sent my father would not receive, and it was returned to me. I can never forget my anguish when I received this letter. I prayed the Lord to take my life, and longed for death, for father and mother, for whom at all times I could have shed the last drop of blood in my heart, had cut me off. But it was necessary for me, as a follower of Christ, to take up my cross and follow Him.