“In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths" is an important word. It means more than simply going to God for His guidance in some great step—it is the constant and habitual acknowledging of Him in all our ways.
How many Christians have proved the truth of this verse in the Lord's gracious and wise undertaking for them in giving them suitable life companions. They were not going about seeking a wife or a husband, but committing their whole path to Him, and in process of time just exactly the right person was brought to them. In contrast with this we sometimes see people—Christians at that—rush into marriage for life with less thought than they would use when hiring a bookkeeper for an office—one who could be discharged on a week's notice. Still there are others who shop around for a wife like a man searching out the pedigree of some livestock he wishes to buy. In the one case this important step is lightly taken, and in the other it is taken in human or perhaps sensual wisdom. This is not the wisdom that comes from above.
It is very dangerous for people to give advice to others as to whom they should marry; it has often turned out disastrously. There are some points, however, that we feel bold to make, and these in respect of those whom we should not marry.
First and foremost it is abundantly clear that a Christian should never under any circumstances marry an unbeliever, for how can two walk together except they be agreed (Amos 3:33Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3))? How can a child of light link himself with a child of darkness and expect the blessing of the Lord? The Word of God is as plain as anything can be that such a union is wrong—"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?" 2 Cor. 6:14, 1514Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? (2 Corinthians 6:14‑15).
For two people to walk together they must find a common level on which to walk; otherwise there will be constant friction with one pulling against the other. This can only make for general unhappiness. Where then, we ask, can a believer and an unbeliever find a common level on which to walk? Plainly on the level of the unbeliever only. It is obviously impossible for the unbeliever to be lifted up and given to walk the path of faith, for he does not possess the life and nature capable of it; therefore the only alternative is for the believer to drop down and walk on the carnal plane where the man of sight walks. Mutual understanding is not accomplished in such a case by each giving in a little; the believer has to give up seeking to please his Lord. This is woefully solemn, and nothing but sorrow can accrue as a result.
There have been believers who in considerable ignorance of the mind and Word of God married unbelievers, and sometimes the Lord in His gracious overruling brought the unbeliever to the full knowledge of salvation. This is just marvelous grace on His part. If these lines should fall into the hands of any who find themselves married to unbelievers, we suggest that they simply and fully lay the whole matter before God, thoroughly judging themselves for any sin or failure, and trust Him to work in the heart of the unsaved companion through whatever circumstances He may be pleased. But let any beware who would be tempted to take such a step in open disobedience.
It is indeed a solemn thing to be united in life to one from whom the child of God will be separated throughout eternity. If there is love between them the thought would be intolerable. And think of living in that close relationship with one to whom their Lord and Savior is not precious. Even in those who are amiable and polite, there lies beneath the surface an innate hatred to God and His Christ. The unbeliever is an enemy of God, and all the enmity is on man's part; God loves the sinner and beseeches him to be reconciled. What sweet communion would be denied to the saints who could not converse in the home about the loveliness of Christ, or about the treasures found in the Word of God. Think of the loss of not being able to bow the knee together and address God as Father, and to open out the hearts to Him in supplication and prayer. And in times of trial and adversity the unsaved one could not take sweet comfort from God and His Word, and each would feel a loneliness.
There is also a subtler snare which Satan sometimes casts before the feet of the saints. He leads them to be attracted to an unbeliever, and as the attachment grows they find themselves somewhat involved; conscience begins to accuse them and they are ready to turn back, when suddenly the unbeliever makes a confession of faith in Christ. It is understandable that any Christian would fondly hope that such a confession would be real, and the tendency at this point would be for the believer to accept it as such. Admittedly it would make the situation more difficult and complex, but never would the believer have greater need to be on his guard, and above all to seek the Lord's help. Men of otherwise blameless character have been known to deliberately deceive Christian girls in order to gain them as wives, and so have lovely worldly girls deceived Christian young men. If there ever was a time when a confession of faith should be treated with a wait-and-see attitude, it is where the hope of matrimony is involved. Perhaps more often than not, these cases have proved to be false. Some of those whose profession was spurious were not minded to deceive anyone, but through the influence of one they loved, they sought to comprehend salvation, and finally arrived at a state of mental apprehension, but the conscience had never been reached. It was a mere intellectual assent, perhaps arrived at through an admirable desire to please one they loved. This is perhaps one of the most cleverly devised traps for the feet of a young believer. May God preserve any who read these lines from being thus deceived. Remember that, in many cases, human cleverness is not sufficient to detect reality, or the lack of it; and he who "trusteth in his own heart is a fool." At such times our own wishes may become so intermingled with a desire to please the Lord that we can persuade ourselves of anything. May He keep the feet of His saints from this pitfall.
A less upright heart has sometimes taken the view that they can marry the unsaved one, and then later be used to that one's conversion. This is fallacious reasoning, and has generally proved contrary to fact. And why should it succeed? Will God bless us in disobeying Him? Shall we "do evil that good may come?" All who enter marriage with an unsaved companion do it in direct disobedience, even though they think thus to convert the other. Such can only expect unhappy consequences.