We have already noticed that it is always wrong for a Christian to marry an unbeliever, and thus form an unequal yoke (2 Cor. 6:1414Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)). There is also a matter of importance which should concern one Christian marrying another Christian; that is, the question of compatibility. Christians, as other people, vary greatly, both in nature and character, and in environment and circumstances. They also comprise a wide range in spiritual states. In all this variety of qualities and attainments there are some believers who would be quite unsuited to be united together in marriage, for there would be little likelihood of their making the adjustments that would be needed for harmony. Some thought, therefore, should be given to this important matter, for there should be a reasonable possibility of each adapting himself to the other.
It is sad but true that there are many Christians united in marriage who are very unhappy in their marital relations. "These things ought not so to be," for they are a poor testimony before the world, and are displeasing to the Lord. When people are joined in matrimony they must make adjustments, and the due exercise of Christian graces should substantially help to produce harmony. Also if each follows the scriptural instruction for his own conduct, much friction will be avoided.
We have known some who from the first day of married life failed to exercise grace or to make the adjustments which mutual Christian love would bring about; such were doomed to unhappiness.
Now we fully believe that if a child of God looks to his Father for wisdom, and seeks the Lord's will and mind, being subject to it when known, then he need have no misgivings in taking the step into marriage. In 1 Cor. 7 we read these words, "free to be married to whom they will," but "only in the Lord." Now that last expression means much more than merely marrying another Christian-"in the Lord" implies recognizing His authority. One who belongs to the Lord that bought him has no right to please himself any more, but should ask, "Lord, what wilt Thou have me to do?" The Lord will never lead anyone into a marriage that cannot succeed. If it is of the Lord, there will be the suitability or adaptability that is needed.
Knowing that our poor treacherous hearts may deceive us into thinking we have the Lord's mind in our marriage prospects, it behooves us to weigh the matter of what adjustments would be required, and whether such would be possible. Let us cite a few examples: Suppose the case of a young lady brought up in surroundings of wealth; is she going to be willing to accept what her comparatively poor husband can supply? Will the lowered standard be irksome to the point where it will produce friction? There is a possibility that such a gap can be bridged successfully if there is sufficient true love, but it is not well to rush into marriage without careful consideration of the problems involved.
Or in spiritual matters, will both husband and wife be willing to seek to please and serve the Lord with the same measure of devotedness? A. divergence here would be a hindrance to mutual understanding and cooperation.
Sometimes there is a great disparity in the physical realm, and one is strong and robust while the other is weak and sickly. In such a case, will they be willing to make the necessary adjustments and not be irked?
Great differences in ages or languages may make almost insurmountable barriers. Many other things might be added but these should suffice to point out the principle we have named, and the need for consideration before a step is taken that cannot be retraced.
We can imagine few regrets worse than coming to the realization that one has married the wrong person. If these lines should fall into the hands of any who have such feelings, we beseech you for His name's sake to seek His help in exercising much Christian grace and forbearance, so as to make your home one in which the Lord will be honored. If this is truly done in His fear, He can bring much peace and happiness into your lives.
However, not all instances of marital unhappiness are due to incompatibility. In many cases it is the direct result of a low state of soul, where the husband or wife (or both) has gotten away from the Lord. And who is more unreasonable and harder to get along with than a Christian in a bad state of soul!
May any who read this and are having family difficulties, search themselves before the Lord for the cause; then judge themselves unsparingly before God; putting away at once whatever has come in and formed a crust over the soul, thus hindering personal joy in the Lord. Walking in communion with God is a great safeguard from the many dangers and evils which beset us.
"O Lord, Thy love's unbounded,
So sweet, so full, so free—
My soul is all transported,
Whene'er I think on Thee!
“Yet, Lord, alas! what weakness
Within myself I find,
No infant's changing pleasure
Is like my wandering mind.
“And yet Thy love's unchanging,
And doth recall my heart
To joy in all its brightness,
The peace its beams impart.
“Still sweet 'tis to discover,
If clouds have dimmed my sight,
When passed, Eternal Lover,
Towards me, as e'er, Thou'rt bright.
“O keep my soul, then, Jesus,
Abiding still with Thee,
And if I wander, teach me
Soon back to Thee to flee.
“That all Thy gracious favor
May to my soul be known;
And, versed in this Thy goodness,
My hopes Thyself shalt crown.”