While every contact or association of young Christians need not culminate in marriage, yet it is to be deplored when the ways of the world are so far followed by any as to play lightly with the affections of another. God has placed affection in the human heart and it should not be trifled with. A young brother should be careful not to lead a young sister along without serious intentions, and vice versa; we have, however, known some cases of the most casual friendships that were taken for more than they were worth. This is equally a mistake, but every upright soul knows when he is misleading another with a show of intention that in reality does not exist. It is to the dishonor of the Lord when hearts are broken through the indulgence of flirtations; and such conduct, even if both the young man and the young woman understand that it is not intended seriously, is utterly unworthy of a Christian.
After a period of waiting on the Lord to be sure of having His mind, the time may come for the young man and the young lady to enter into an agreement—to become engaged. This should be a time of happiness, for they would then be bound to each other by promise, and they would look forward to the time when they would be united to each other.
A time of espousal is specially sanctioned in the Scriptures. Rebekah was betrothed to Isaac through the intermediary of Abraham's servant before she began the long trek through the wilderness to become the bride of him who had been on the altar. In the New Testament we read of the espousal of Joseph and Mary. They were not yet married but anticipating the nuptial day. And today every Christian is in much the same position; he is destined to become a part of the bride of Christ, but he is still waiting. Paul said, "I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ." 2 Cor. 11:22For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. (2 Corinthians 11:2). This is the day of our espousal, and what should our attitude be? We should be filled with thoughts of Him who has promised to take us for His own, to be His companion. Our hearts should go out with longing anticipation of that blessed moment when He shall present us to Himself as His spotless bride.
It would be wholly out of place for a betrothed young woman to accept attentions from young men other than her fiancé, for it would show that her heart was not fully won by the one to whom she had pledged herself. So it betrays a sad lack in our affections for our Lord and Savior when we forget Him, to find our enjoyments in the paltry things of the world. All that is in the world is in the power of the enemy of the One who has betrothed us to Himself. May our hearts enter more fully into the spirit of an espousal, while we long to see Him, to hear His voice, and to be with Him whom absent we have learned to love.
In the world this is a day when marriages are lightly entered into and easily broken; engagements are also taken lightly, quickly made, and often broken, but it should not be so with Christians. Engagements are serious matters, and should not be entered into unless with the express intention of marriage. They should be considered binding and treated as definite obligations. Will Christ ever become false to His promise to take us to Himself as His bride? No; never, never. His Word is as good as His deed, as the poet said,
"His promise is yea and amen
And never was forfeited yet.”
For one to break an engagement, he should have a reason that the Lord would sanction.
We might mention, however, that if a believer became engaged to an unbeliever he should seriously consider whether or not he should disobey God and marry an unbeliever. Sometimes people have pleaded that they gave their word regarding something and therefore they should do what they know to be wrong. Herod was one of these; he promised Salome anything she asked, and when she asked for the head of John the Baptist he kept his oath and committed murder. In such a case it is not hard to discern the fallacy of pleading a promise against known duty.
If one should find himself in the predicament of being engaged to an unbeliever, he should be much in prayer about it, seeking of the Lord a right way out of a wrong thing. We can dishonor the Lord in the manner of extricating ourselves from a position He could never sanction. In some cases only the Lord can make a way out; and we may have to wait on Him while we judge our failure that led us to take the false step. Perhaps open frankness in speaking to the unbelieving spouse, owning one's own failure and sin, and showing what the Scriptures say, may be very helpful at such a time.