We have been speaking predominately to the young brothers here, but now I’d like to say a few words to the sisters. Let’s turn over to Proverbs 31:3030Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. (Proverbs 31:30), “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.” Then turn to Psalm 45:1313The king's daughter is all glorious within: her clothing is of wrought gold. (Psalm 45:13). “The king’s daughter is all glorious within.” We have two things here: the outward and the inward beauty. Scripture does not put emphasis on outward beauty, though we often do. I have noticed that a girl that puts a lot of energy into the outward side of things often neglects the inner beauty of which Psalm 45 speaks.
I don’t want you to get the idea that Scripture teaches that you shouldn’t be concerned about how you look. It does not encourage a girl to look dowdy. You should seek to look nice and presentable. And that may mean different things to different people, but after all, marriage is a natural thing that involves natural attraction. That means that you want to look attractive, but it doesn’t mean that you have to go to the world and its adornments to look good.
What’s most important is what is within. Isn’t that a lovely verse, “The king’s daughter is all glorious within!” She had an inward beauty. An older sister said to my wife years ago, “If a girl is not beautiful at 16 years of age, it’s not her fault; but when she’s 60 years old, and she is not beautiful, it is her fault!” If a person goes on and walks with the Lord, there will be a moral beauty that will be formed in the individual that will emanate to all around. When youthful beauty disappears with age, what is left is what the person truly is. If one has not been walking in submission to the Lord, that beauty will not be there. The emphasis in the world is on what is outward, but you want to pay attention to what is inward. The Scripture says, “The hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (1 Peter 3:44But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (1 Peter 3:4)). It might not be of value to this world, or to the worldly Christian man that’s rather shallow spiritually, but it’s “of great price” to God! And godly men will value it too.
Nor should a sister think that after she gets married, that she can just let herself go, and not be concerned about how she looks. Scripture speaks about keeping the “bed” “green” (Song of Solomon 1:1616Behold, thou art fair, my beloved, yea, pleasant: also our bed is green. (Song of Solomon 1:16)). That refers to keeping the relationship fresh. Just because you get married doesn’t mean that your husband ceases to appreciate an attractive woman. I remember Pearl Hayhoe telling me that she always sought to freshen up and put on a different dress to look her best before Gordon got home from the office. He worked in an office where the women were dressed to the “nines”—they were all “dazzled” up. For a man to come out of that environment and go home to a woman that has let herself go might make for problems in the marriage.
Now, some of you girls might look at some of the others here that are strikingly beautiful and think that they have an unfair advantage. But I don’t know if I would agree with you. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, the girls that are naturally beautiful—and there are many of them here—seem to attract a certain kind of man that is usually quite shallow. So I think that a girl that is strikingly beautiful is somewhat disadvantaged; because, nine times out of ten, that’s the kind of person that usually approaches her. The girls who are more average looking oftentimes have a better chance of getting a godly husband. So I kind of pity you dear sisters who are so beautiful—I really do! You have to deal with these guys that are usually only out for the outward side of things.
Now, just a comment on your hair. The Bible says that a woman’s hair is “a glory to her” (1 Cor. 11:1515But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering. (1 Corinthians 11:15)), but I don’t think many Christian women believe it. It’s a fact that long flowing hair is attractive to males. If you don’t believe me, why do so many women of the world who are out to attract men have longer flowing hair? Take the women that are supposedly the most beautiful; look at those girls that are used in advertising auto parts, etc.—where men are most likely to shop—they all have a flowing hairstyle. Now why do you think that they do that? It’s because they know from experience that it’s attractive to men. But strange as it is, many Christian women don’t seem to know it. They want to look attractive, so they go and cut their hair off! It doesn’t make sense! I tell you, “the children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light” (Luke 16:88And the lord commended the unjust steward, because he had done wisely: for the children of this world are in their generation wiser than the children of light. (Luke 16:8)). By cutting off your hair, you’re only diminishing your beauty. (Now, I know that some women have very thin hair, and as they get older, they can’t wear it very long, but I’m not talking about that.) So if you want to look your best, let your hair flow down onto your shoulders. Believe me, it’s attractive!
I’m not saying that you should try to look worldly. My-sister-in-law used to say, “You get purchased by those to whom you advertise!” If you get yourself all “decked out” in a worldly way, you’ll attract a worldly guy. If you dress provocatively and immodestly, you’re going to attract the flesh in a man—and a fleshly guy will be the one who will approach you. Dear sister, is that what you want? No! you want a husband that has some spiritual depth to him—a man that you can look to with respect. So, be careful when those kind of guys come around and pay attention to you—you know what I mean, the kind of guy that just slouches back in the chair and doesn’t pay much attention to the man speaking in the Bible meeting. Maybe he’ll turn to the first Scripture reference, and maybe to the second, but after a while he doesn’t even turn to them. Maybe halfway through the meeting he’s reading something else—like that little booklet of names that Mr. Porter has been distributing. Don’t laugh; I’ve seen it!
Dear sister, when that kind of a guy comes around, be careful, he’s not really interested in the Lord’s things, and he’ll probably turn out to be a poor husband that won’t provide any real spiritual leadership. You don’t want to wind up with a guy that is as carnal as a goat! How are you going to raise a godly family with that kind of a man taking the lead in the household? He’ll be the kind of person that will put a lot of emphasis on natural things, but then will be quiet as a mouse when divine subjects come up in conversation. He may be a real “cool” looking guy, but you’ll pay the price for it in the long run. I’ve noticed that there are fewer problem marriages when the husband and wife are spiritual people. Don’t settle for anything less than a godly man.
Now, as you wait for “Mr. Right”—a spiritual man, worldly men at work or school might approach you, and of course, you need to decline such advances. Scripture is clear about that; “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Cor. 6:1414Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)). God will give you the grace to do it. I know a sister that when she went to school and college, boys would approach her and want to take her out, and she would refuse their advances. Finally, one of them asked her why she didn’t want to go out with anybody. And she explained that she didn’t go out with boys from the world. He looked at her and asked, “If you don’t with guys from this world, who do you go out with then? Is it only guys from Mars?” He didn’t understand what she meant, but she wasn’t going to end up with that kind of a man for a husband.
Now, just a closing comment on getting discouraged. I’m sure that it can get awfully discouraging as you wait for the boys to get off “the rock Rimmon,” and stop hanging around in the “bushes” at the conferences. Maybe you look around and think that there just aren’t many men that are like the man in Psalm 19, who came forth out of his chamber with conviction. (We certainly need more young men like that. We see them praying in the prayer meeting here, and that’s good, but I hope they’re praying in their chamber about taking a wife as well.) Sisters, just remember, the devil would like to make use of any opportunity he can get to discourage you. You don’t want to get to the point where one sister got, when she said, “Men are like parking spaces at a mall; all the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped!” Just wait on the Lord.
He knows, He sees, He hears,
Nothing this truth shall dim,
He gives the very best,
To those who leave the choice to Him.
One last comment; Mr. Walt Gill used to tell us, “It’s better to be single than to wish you were!” Sad to say, there are some unhappy marriages out there. And, as I said earlier, “You can marry your discipline!” So, be careful as you proceed. You want to go into it with the Lord.
My wife and I desire nothing but the very best for each one of you; we really do. I have a difficulty mixing with all of you—I’m not like Jim here, who just goes right up to all of you and speaks to you on a first name basis. I haven’t talked to every last one of you personally, but I do pray for you, and we do care for you. We want you to have a happy marriage that will be for the support of the testimony of the Lord. When we see a relationship begin, we will often say to each other, “Now that’s a good one.” Because we know that both of you are really walking “in the Lord.” But sometimes, when we see a rather careless young man take up with a fairly godly girl, we say, “She could have done better.” But from the young man’s side, we’ll say, “He did very well, to get her!” So you see, we’re on both sides. We want the best for both of you. May God give you the grace to do His will.
B. Anstey
(Adapted)
First Printed Edition – July 2005
Printed Version – 1.1
Printed in Canada
First eBook Edition – May 2021
eBook Version – 1.2
Note: all Scriptures quoted are from either the King James Version (KJV)
or the J. N. Darby Translation, unless otherwise noted.
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