Q&A
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Our first question is could attend give a recap of the 10 C words he used in his meeting? So ET. I think someone wants to mark down the the 10 season the references.
OK, well, so the story over here, the first thing that Peter's conversion and that was John 40 and 41.
And loop 5 verses 2:00 to 11:00.
That also is tying into the second one, which is the calling Peter's calling. There's also blue 5 OK.
So you have conversion.
And calling.
The third one is counting the cost.
That was Matthew 1624 to 26.
Luke 1426 to 30.
John, chapter 6666 to 68.
4th one is companionship.
Mark chapter 3, verse 14.
And Acts 4 verse. Sorry, Acts 4, verse 13.
The fifth one is the Peter's Claim of courage. Luke 2231 to 34.
Next one is Peters condition was manifested.
Luke 2254 to 62.
Then you have a complete denial.
Luke 2256 to 62.
Peter's Conversation with the Lord, Luke 24 to 3024, verse 34.
And then you have consecration and restoration. John 2115.
And the last one was a personal challenge to use our the things the Lord brings us through to help others. I'll just go. I'll just say the list of the keywords again in case you in this.
Conversion, calling, counting the cost, companionship, claim of courage, condition manifested, complete denial, conversation with the Lord, consecration, restoration and the loss of the challenge.
Would anybody think it's already done? You can ask your friend or ask you.
OK, this question is it's a long a long question, so I'll read it.
And it's about discipline in the home, or just discipline with our children. This world's wisdom is finding root in modern law regarding the rights of children, and as such has the potential to place fear in the heart of the Christian parent today.
And there's a list of verses. I think we can read each of these verses.
Jim, I'll read the reference. If you want to read the read this verse Proverbs 22/6.
Proverbs 22/6.
Train up a child in the way you should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs, 2215.
Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs, 2223.
For the Lord will plead their cause, and spoil the soul of those that spoil them.
I'm sorry, it was chapter 23 verse 1314.
Withhold not correction from the child, for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shall deliver his his soul from hell.
00:05:11
And then chapter 29 and verse 15.
29 Verse 15 The rod of reproof. The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. Okay, these verses.
Are clear as to the need for disciplining children and the way we should do this. Could you please comment and encourage young parents in this fundamental duty?
Is spanking correct in the face of these laws?
So these verses are very clear that they've come from God and.
Our responsibility is to discipline our children. Part of the discipline is teaching our children, instructing them, and part of that instruction includes spanking when necessary and.
I think part of the reason for for punishment like this. A child needs to know that he is a Sinner if there's never ever any correction.
Never any.
Affirmation that he's a Sinner.
The spanking, if we don't spank them, they don't realize that they're a Sinner. And so when we spank them, they remember, Oh yeah, I was bad at that time, I am a Sinner. The more spankings you get, the more you realize you're a Sinner.
Some children are quite well behaved as as babies and they don't get spanked too often and as they get older they they.
They.
Tend to go off easier than those who've been spanked more when they're children. Is all God's wisdom in raising children.
So I just encourage you just to do what God says.
Some children, he spanked them and they don't even feel it and.
They can laugh it off, but even when you have a child that spanking doesn't seem to affect. Even when they are spanked, they their conscience is touched.
The other thing they need to realize too is that there is authority, and if they don't learn it when they're young, they're going to have difficulty when they get older because we never get out from under authority. In fact, as we get older, there's more and more authority. They go to school and there's the authority of the teacher and the principal. They get into the workplace. There's going to be different levels of authority and different levels of authority in government and in the world.
Authority that God has established and set up.
For order and blessing on on the earth. And so they need to learn that there's authority when they're very young. I remember my 4 year old sitting at the end of the table after some discipline had been enacted and my wife came out and with between sobs she said, oh mom, if dad would only obey me, things would be a lot happier around here. But we laugh. But that's what it that's the natural bent a.
Child, as young as they are, thinks that they can be in control. That's that's the natural bent of man. But we had to explain very clearly that that's not the way it works and that's not the way of happiness. And so there needs to be that. But I'd like to just look at a couple of verses in connection with, I think what the tenor of this question is, because it is a day when we have to be very, very careful.
Before we look at a couple verses, just say this too one thing.
That we sought to impress upon our girls when they were little was that if they called 911 or child services, it wasn't dad that was going to be removed from the home, it was they. And that they were going to be in a worse situation than they thought they were in. And it was a very hard concept, especially for my older 1 to get a hold of. She thought if she complained, they'd take dad from the home and she and mom would live happily ever after.
00:10:02
But we had to impress upon her that that was not the way it worked. But we do need to be wise in disciplining our children in the way that these verses have brought out. I just want to read a verse in Matthew's Gospel, chapter 10.
And verse 16.
Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves. Be therefore wise as serpents and harmless as doves. And I believe that perhaps more than ever before, as parents we need to be wise in where and how we discipline our children.
I know sometimes when you take your child to the mall they need a good spank.
And I understand that, and I'm always been a great believer in taking care of things right away, but be wise.
In in Canada, where I come from, there have been many cases where a parent has laid a hand on a child in public and the results have been disastrous. And so the Lord said, and I know it's not specifically what's in this verse, but I think there's a broad application to what the Lord was saying here.
We are as sheep among wolves today. There are those who are watching us and who would like nothing better than to tear apart the family and especially the Christian family. Let's be very, very careful where we where we are when we discipline our children. The other thing I'd like to say too, and I want to read a verse in Ephesians.
Chapter 6.
And verse 4.
This is a word to fathers particularly.
And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
There's nothing angers our children more in discipline than to realize that, then for them to realize that we are angry when we discipline them. And I, I didn't, I'm pleased. I'm not, I I blew it when it came to raising children. But just as far as just just a couple of little pieces of a practical advice.
That I can at least give in retrospect.
And I trust very humbly as a failing father. And that is that when two things I made sure when I disciplined my children in this way, one is that I didn't do it in anger. And sometimes it took just stepping out of the room for a moment and saying, Lord help me, Lord help me to calm down. And I know there's some here who know me best and know that that was a very necessary.
Part of my my discipline, and I believe the Lord can, can give us that grace to not do it in the heat of the moment or in anger.
The other thing in connection with what the verses that we read that were listed on this question is you'll notice in every verse it speaks of the rod. I never took my bare hand to my children. Never. I think I can honestly say I never did because I never wanted my children to fear my hands. A father's hands in Scripture are always to dispense blessing. You read of our God the Father.
Hands, they're always in connection with dispensing blessing and I always made sure I had something available to use in connection with spanking my children. They never feared my hands. They feared what we called the rod of correction, which sat on the kitchen counter or on top of the fridge. They feared the belt. But I think I can honestly say they never feared my hands when I reached my hands out to my children, I.
Wanted them to come to me as recognizing that my hands were reached out in love and blessing. So just a couple little things. I know others have more to say, but I just passed those practical remarks on.
Example in Our Heavenly Father, and I would say this even as Jim mentioned as a failing father, but in Hebrews chapter 12.
00:15:05
And verse 9.
It says, Furthermore, we have had fathers of our flesh, which corrected us, and we gave them reverence.
Shall we not much rather be subject to the father of spirits, and live?
How does God deal with us?
In love and in grace.
In Psalms 103.
And verse 13 it says like as a father pity at his children, so the Lord pity at them that fear him.
And these verses that were read in Proverbs.
Would probably bring before us how to deal with algin outright rebellion. That is not always the case.
And we can, as parents can form rebellion in our children if we discipline them too strongly for things that are on accident.
I'll give an example.
If the child spills their milk at the table and it's an honest accident, did they get a spanking for that? If it's an honest accident, what would happen if we spanked our child for an honest accident?
It would breathe rebellion in their heart, wouldn't it? So we have to be before the Lord as to how the Lord deals with us, before we take our hand and responsibility or the rod to our children. And I say our hand also because the hand can embrace in love.
You probably could have read the next verse in Hebrews 12 also says for they our own parents, Verily for a few days chasing this after their own pleasure, but he for our profit that we might be partakers of His Holiness. Well, that is an example for us and it recognizes that we as parents aren't always deleted in the right way. That's true, but the Lord, as you mentioned, is our example.
And authority has been committed to mankind.
Whether it's to parents or to governments. And they've abused that power. And so that's why the pendulum has swung the other way. There have been legitimate cases of child abuse and where children didn't need protection from parents, and that's a sad thing.
And we don't need to talk about how governments have acted and I was, I was going to say in the past, but are continually to act abusing the power that God has given them.
And so it leads to rebellion.
Whenever something is committed to mankind.
It eventually crumbles and we're talking about authority or things even amongst the the Christendom. So there's a lot of failure.
We certainly need what you said, the example that the Lord has given us, and to be wise, knowing the day that we're living in.
But I think it's very important too that we don't throw out one because of the other.
It often happens today, it seems like there's not much love nor much discipline shown to children, and both are mistaken. They're both very harmful. What we have in Proverbs is very much neglected today, as well as the side of love. So the question was about that. I think it's important not to blunt the force of what these verses.
Who are about here? The one verse is read that foolishness is found in the heart of a child. The rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Now that's acknowledging the fact that there's something in the heart, something that's just there, a bitter root that wants to spring up. And God has given that restraint into the hands of parents to keep that in check.
The world today denies that it's not true. Man is basically good and all we need to do is encourage the good and if we do that then they will grow up to be good people.
That's the typical worldly thinking, and it has come in among Christians so that we tend to ignore these verses in Proverbs. And we do that to our apparel because we all have within us as we know the old nature, and our children don't know that teaching yet what it means. But we ought to and we ought to do what God has told us to do in His Word in dealing with that.
00:20:10
And so another verse comes to mind. Proverbs chapter 19.
And.
Verse 18 she.
Chasing thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying now. It almost sounds like a desperate situation.
But I think you'll find the earlier on you do this, this is a very little problem and it's not so desperate if it's left left to go on till later when the child is older and it gets more like how this first sounds like.
And a child will later on come to resist more and more. But if the practice of discipline and learning to obey the authority is trained in early in life, then it will be very different when they get older.
Also in Proverbs 23.
Verse 13 Withhold not correction from the child, for thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
You could probably get taken into child services for a book like a verse like that.
That's what the word of God says. You get how many Christians are actually doing this today.
Verse 15, sorry, verse 14 if I'll beat him with a rod, thou shalt beat him with a rod and shall deliver his soul from hell. Now this gets down to one reason why it's so important. We're not just playing a game as Christian parents, we have children that the Lord has given to us.
And it's our responsibility.
To bring up our children for the Lord, and one day we are going to stand before Him.
An answer to him for how we did that. We're not going to stand before child services and answer to that or other Christians. We're going to answer to him as to how we handled his word and the instruction he gave us and and dealt with these issues.
This issue of authority is so important.
The issue of love is so important. We neglect either. We've lost much. But again, like I say, we're talking about the authority.
And that part of it, in these verses, I want to say that when I was a very little boy, I didn't understand anything of these verses.
And I learned authority from my father, and it hurt, and it hurt a lot.
But I came to learn it and respect it, and I knew he loved me too, and I knew he loved me when he did it.
Then later on, his gym was springing out. I went to school.
And the teacher now is in a position of authority. I didn't struggle with that. There were times I was tempted to try to do things, you know, And then the authority back home, I had to step in.
But that was helpful. Then later on I came to see the policeman and that wasn't a trouble. And later I came to see the Lord.
And he had authority, too, and I didn't struggle with that authority. That's why I had learned it as a little childhood home.
And I'm just going to say this for Christian parents if we don't teach our children that when they're little.
We're actually hurting them with regard to this lesson of the authority of the Lord in their life. I think it's very important. We need to teach them that, yes, they're going to have to trust in Him individually, but our hearts are rebellious by nature, and I thank God for any help that I received from my parents in that regard.
And that's the responsibility that we all have if the Lord has given us children.
And really the Christian home is the only place today where they're going to learn authority. You've seen a bumper sticker several times in the last couple of years that says question authority. Our young children and young people are not going to learn authority in the God, this godless world because authority is questioned on every level. Where are they going to learn it from the word of God?
And in practice, it's what they see and learn in the Christian home. But we need to be careful too. Just again, a word to those of us who are responsible to enact discipline. You know, as Ralph said, we're extremists by nature. Now, my mother, when she was going to school 80 years ago, she got a slap on each hand for every spelling mistake. That was one extreme and so.
00:25:20
They came in to try to balance that well, we've gone the pendulum has swung too much the other way. But I want to say this too as as parents remember that our Father in heaven got our father doesn't treat all his children the same and we're to bring up a child in the way should go where the thought is really according to the tenor of his ways. Every one of our children have a different tenor and a different bend to their nature. Some have.
By nature, very strong will, some not so strong. We all have a will, of course, but I think it's good for us to be sensitive to that. We, we only had two, One, you could show them the rod of correction and they melted. The other we always said would have made a good martyr. And we had to come up with other things to go with the, with the spanking. And so we need to discern that. And the verse that Ralph read is important too.
Our father got our father.
It says He chastens us for our profit and let's be careful when we chasten our children in any way that it's not for a selfish motive. Sometimes I chastened my children just for because it was a selfish motive. If they were making noise and I wanted to read, I told them go out of the room and if you don't go out of the room, there's going to be some consequence. But that really wasn't for their profit. That was a selfish motive.
Our Father always chastens us for our prophet, and as earthly Christian fathers, let's be exercised that whatever chastening we give our children, that it's going to be for their profit in the end.
Genesis chapter 44, the first part of verse 34.
What? What verses were they? First part of verse 34, chapter 44 of Genesis.
For how shall I go up to my father, and will that be not with me?
We put this as our model. How shall I go to my father and the lad is not with me? Then we can chastise our children in a correct way, I believe.
Another quick thought.
Sometimes we have to show mercy to our children as well. And there are times as parents that we make a mistake in disciplining. Maybe we we discipline the wrong child. Sometimes the younger ones can be sneaky and set their older ones up as well. So beware of that. And if we do make a mistake?
We should own up to it and apologize.
Yeah.
Allow me an example with my son Ron's expense.
I think what was brought out.
In connection with.
Disciplining a child when there is hope.
Is.
Very important. We've all had the experience of going to a mall.
And seeing a mother drag a kicking and screaming screaming child.
Down the hall and at the mall.
If our children.
Are disciplined properly.
At the right time, there are no mall experiences.
If our children learn to sit still in the family reading, there's no meeting experiences. None. They've already learned that. So what's a child doing?
00:30:01
When they commit something.
That requires discipline.
I'll use this example when I was.
When I was very young, I remember being disciplined by my dad and I thought, well, you know, if I was very young.
I thought, well, if my dad can discipline me.
I should be able to hit him back.
Which I did.
That never happened again.
Never ever happened again and I was very, very young.
So we used, we live in the place that we are now and.
We didn't want our children to go out in the street and so.
I remember taking Ron.
And pointing to the end of the driveway.
Just like this here.
When the road was there to try, leanness was there and telling Ron, you know, step over that line. So what I remember is from is hold the line through the match at the house, see what that would do.
Ron and I have had a few sessions.
That are not quite as happy as today in the same room.
But it's been a long, long time since Ron's had to be disciplined.
A long, long time.
Discipline your child while there is hope.
OK. Let's move on to the next question.
And I think these next two questions.
Can be somehow connected, but we'll go to the first first one. What qualities should young people look for when looking for a spouse and what is an appropriate age to start dating?
You obviously don't agree with dating.
Whether we call it dating or.
Courting or getting to know one another.
With marriage in view.
That's what it should be. If you're not ready to get married, you shouldn't be looking for a woman. You shouldn't be looking for a man.
Dating only leads to immorality.
And if you look at the world, I don't know what statistics are, but if you look at people who date.
They get into sexual problems.
Because.
Remember the line that Dave drew across the driveway?
If there's a line, that's a limit.
A limit.
It's only as good as your conscience.
And.
Limits are not as strong as emotions.
And desire.
And if you set a limit, you know on a date you set a limit.
We can only do this and this.
You're going to get as close to that limit as you can and you're going to put your toe over the line.
And you're going to see what your partner, how they respond.
So I don't think there's a.
I don't think dating is considered in Christianity in the in the word of God.
00:35:09
So sometimes I've heard young people say, well, I know how far to go. Let's be very careful to make a statement like that. Let him think that he standeth, take heed lest he fall. It also tells us he that trusteth in his own heart is a fool. And I know it's a little different, but with Peter, he thought he knew how far to go.
He could, he thought he could associate.
With the world and he would, he could stop at a certain point, but we know the sad consequences. Back to our question then. In the end, the last clause of the 13th chapter of Romans tells us make no provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof, and we want to be careful that we don't put ourselves in a vulnerable position.
Now social dating, as Tim said, I don't believe is according to the word of God. You never have a precedent.
However, I would just say to the young men, I've often talked to young men and some who are not so young and they say, well, I'd like to get married. And you talk to them and you realize that they are ready in many ways. But I often point out that verse in Proverbs that says whoso findeth the wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord. And I've often told.
Young fellas, it's wonderful to pray about it, and that's very, very important, very necessary. The Lord, before he chose the 12 disciples who were going to be closest to Him during his public ministry, spent all night in prayer.
Pretty interesting, isn't it? I don't know if any of us spent all night in prayer concerning the one who is going to be the closest companion to you in your pathway here.
But we need to spend time in prayer, but we also need fellows to open our eyes and find her whoso findeth. I sometimes have said, I wish that word find was printed in capital letters in our Bible. Because the man is the aggressor. The man is the one who has to initiate things. And God has put a drive in a young man to go out and find a wife. That's normal.
There's few Apostle Paul's there's few who can abide.
The calling that the apostle Paul was realized, he was called to, and that was to serve the Lord without that companionship. But that is the exception rather than the rule. So it's the man that before the Lord has to get up off his knees and take the initiative. And the problem is in the world today.
The girls have have become so aggressive.
And fellas, you got to work for a godly Christian girl. You don't have to work for the girl across the desk at school or at work. They're aggressive. But if you're going to get a godly Christian girl, you're going to have to work at it. And it's not always going to be easy. A girl who's truly going on with the Lord is going to wait for the man.
To take the initiative and she's going to want to pray about it too. She's not going to want to be in a hurry. And so there may be some courting that needs to happen, but as Tim said, it always needs to be in view of the relationship eventually culminating in marriage.
Godly Christian women have emotions too, don't they? And.
Sometimes a guy, he's looking for somebody.
Who's excited rather than godly?
And not that a godly woman is not exciting, but you may be looking for other things. You may be think, well, God's a girl, she's not going to be so, so fun to be with. But that's not always that's not the case.
We just want to emphasize the scripture that Jim brought before us.
I'm going to sort of open up here a little bit. It's a bit embarrassing.
In light of.
Married every girl I prayed for in my early days. I would have had far more partners than the woman at the well.
00:40:05
I'm very thankful that the Lord didn't answer all my prayers but the scripture that Jim brought before us.
It says this.
Whoso find us, why it does not say Whoso chooseth a wife?
And so the young men say, Boy, the sea is full of fish.
That's not the thought, it's not who shall chooseth, it's whoso findeth the thought there.
Is that the Lord has already chosen a partner for you. The choice has already been made.
It's not a question of choice that's been done. It's a question of finding the choice of the Lord. Now, I did not do well with that. I'm very, very thankful the Lord did not answer my prayers in the way I prayed until the time came when I was able to find His choice for me.
But don't look at the situation and say I have to choose. It's not a choice that we have to make. It's a question of finding the choice already been made by the Lord.
April is another woman at Oh well, Janice is 24. And that was where the servant of Abraham found Rebecca, and that was something very important.
That he went and found her there. Somebody else can explain that a lot better than I but the well Speaking of the word of God there and and so he was there waiting by that well asking the Lord to make it clear in that place who this one would be that would come to the same place. And so that's important, I believe very important what Dave was saying here just along with that.
In the last verse of First Corinthians 7.
And speaking about a widow here, but I believe the principle of self, verse 39, the wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth, but if her husband be dead, she is a liberty to be married, to whom she will only in the Lord now.
Certainly only in the Lord would be only a believer. Did you get that? Clearly enough from 2nd Corinthians 6 that the not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. But this goes a lot farther, doesn't it? When we speak about the Lord, we speak about.
His authority, his chosen.
Choice for us. And so it wasn't even whom she will as to her own will, but her will is tied up with his. And I believe that's very important if we want to have the right one. If you're looking for the right qualities, well, that's a good thing And I suppose we were going to talk more about that but.
First and foremost, we need to be down on our knees before the Lord.
Because we're simply not good enough to know.
I think I said this last year, but I'll say it again, almost like what I said earlier here, somebody did put it this way. If we had to be wise enough to make the choice as to the ideal partner would be for us, then we should all wait till we're very old to do it.
Because it would take a tremendous amount of wisdom, but the wonderful thing is that we know somebody who has all that wisdom and has already made the choices, Brother Dave said.
And so we need to be very much down on our knees before the Lord, asking him who that one is. And as with the servant of Abraham by the well and looking for the other one who's going to come by the well, where the word of God is treasured and sought not only in that matter, but in every other. And then one other verse. And I mentioned this the other day, but we didn't turn to it. First Corinthians.
Chapter 8.
I'm sorry, Chapter 9.
The Apostle Paul says, have we not power or right, the right or the authority to lead about a sister, a wife as the other apostles as well as other apostles? Now Mr. Darby has a sister as wife.
And this is a really important thing if you're looking for a brother or a sister to be married, that's what you're looking for, a brother or a sister. First and foremost. This is a brother or sister in the Lord, one that loves the Lord, values the things of the Lord and his people. And even after you're married, this would be a huge.
00:45:23
Primary part of your relationship that you're not just marrying.
A person in the office is sex, but you're marrying a brother or a sister and you're going to be together.
As heirs together, the grace of life, to share together the things that God has given to you. That isn't going to happen magically after you're married. That's already self. God and his grace may rule and He may produce it in spite of our failures and mistakes. Thank God that He does. But we're talking about what we're looking for when we go into it. And if you're looking for that.
The one who values God and His Word, then that's going to be what's going to work well in marriage. And of course, that begs the other question, how can you look for that if you don't desire it for yourself? So first and foremost, what you think would be good in marriage before the Lord, make sure it's true of yourself, and then trust Him for the rest.
Now it's just in that connection we don't want to discredit.
Some other aspects of things in a natural way. And so we've taken it up from a spiritual standpoint and just say in connection with your comment about in the Lord doesn't say Mary and Jesus are in Christ. That would justify marrying any other believer, but it's one who owns the Lordship of Christ in their lives, as you say. So I think that's vital. That's very, very important because I've heard young people say, well, they're a Christian. They they belong to the Lord, they love the Lord. That may be so, but it's not.
Marriage in Jesus, it's not marriage in Christ, it's it's marrying in the Lord. So very important, but I'd like to and I'm moving on because I know our times. There is also the natural when it says I quoted the verse last night in connection with prayer in first Peter when it says that their heirs together of the grace of life that is this life here now. Marriage is not a spiritual tie.
Just let that sink in for a moment. Marriage is not a spiritual taught, it is a natural tie.
Given by God set up at the beginning for the blessing of man on the earth. There's the spiritual side of it, as we've been saying, but it is a natural tie for man on earth. Marriage is not going to continue in the same way. When we get to heaven, what we have spiritually we enjoy now and we're going to enjoy for all eternity our spiritual blessings and so on. What we have naturally is for the blessing of man on the earth when it God's order.
Is followed in the in the proper way it's for our for our happiness and so we know from other scriptures that marriage is not going to continue the the paramount relationship in the father's house is going to be Christ and the bride and all other and and God and his children and all other relationships are going to pale into the background that have been given for for here on earth and so.
We're heirs together of the grace of life that is this life here.
And having said that, then there are natural considerations that need to be taken into account. Can I honor the this this lady? Is there a physical attraction? There has to be. Can I honor her in public? Can I honor the man? Am I going to have a difficulty in submitting to him as the head?
In the Lord is there a compatibility? I know sometimes opposites attract and my wife and I have found over 28 years that in many ways we are very opposite.
And that's true, but there are those things that we must take into account how you've got to, you're going to be thrown together to live with this person in the closest relationship that God has given for man here on earth. And it's for life. It's for the rest of your life.
Other things are not an option. I know the world looks very lightly.
On divorce and and so on. But those things in a Christian marriage, marriage and the Lord are not an option.
And so these things are real and they have to be taken into consideration. So the first thing is the spiritual, yes, as Tim and others have brought out. But then there is the natural aspect of things that has to be taken into account. Is there going to be compatibility so that I can live with this boy, I can live with this girl until either one is taken in death or the Lord Jesus comes and carries.
00:50:23
Us all the way.
There's probably some of that in First Thessalonians 5. Just a little phrase in verse 23. Spirit, soul, and body.
Now, when I was a kid, I had it backwards. I wanted to pick out the prettiest girl in the whole conference.
Right. And some of you?
I did get a priest girl here. The order is Spirit which has to do. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Has to do with the spiritual, then the soul, which is the personality, and then the body. Now, as Jim said, we're not asking you to marry somebody that has to have.
A paper bag over your head, if you will. I say that respectfully, but if you spirit first, then the soul and then the body, not the other way around you, I may find the prettiest girl.
In the world and that person may be utterly incompatible and have no use for the.
Call or of God on your life and be a real distraction from you living your personal life, be it girl or guy, the Spirit 1St. And like Tim said, this person has to be a believer, has to have an exercise to be found walking in the path of faith.
In the way that God has called them. And then there's the soul. So if if my interest is skiing and yours is.
Something completely, perhaps tropical, that could be a problem.
I'm just pulling examples out of the air, but these things are real. Like Jim said, you're going to be with this person for the rest of your life. So you want to know, ladies, how you're going to be treated?
Watch a young man with his mother.
OK. And his sisters. OK. Do you want to know how you're going to be treated? Don't observe that person when your heart is already engaged and involved. Just stand back and watch. How does this person treat the young kids in the assembly, the older ladies, his mom, his sisters? It's going to be it's a good clue.
That's how you're going to be treated.
On the other side.
Young men, you want to know what your relationship with your wife could be. Watch that girl with your dad. See how it is. If there's a rebellion and a disdain, you're going to struggle.
So don't immediately jump in with both feet. I know Jimmy said to actively find your wife. Let's stand back and watch a little bit. You're going to see and the Lord will open your eyes.
You know, it's when I was younger, so I'll speak to the guys.
Particularly, I didn't have a clue. I didn't. I think I was married for five years before I realized that women had evokes sins.
It's it's maybe not that bad, but.
So I realized that today.
Yeah, back when I was a kid, you asked somebody else to him sing and then you apparently you don't do that anymore, so you're Facebooking or whatever, but.
I thought it would be cool to ask a girl out, so I did.
And you know what? I was way too young. I didn't know what I was doing to that girl's emotions. And when it was enough, I just quit it. And I just, I hate to say it, but I just crushed.
Correct. And it was a it was a bad mistake.
I smack God's way, it says in Ruth. Boaz says to Ruth. Abide fast by my maidens. Their safety in that.
Boaz Speaking of the Lord, a bypass by my name and ask the Lord to open your eyes. I agree Jim about the finding. I I totally agree with that. But be careful young man, especially girls have emotions. It's not a game.
00:55:17
My dad used to pound into us. Never ask a girl out unless she could be married to her.
And he tried.
There's so much damage and harm that you can do and you don't even realize it. So I'm not beating you guys up because I was there. I just want to encourage you to get on your knees, open your eyes, ask the Lord. It's. I know this is out of context, but I'm going to say it anyway.
In the Song of Solomon, the bride says, I sleep, but my heart waketh. It is the voice of my beloved.
It would be better young people, to stay focused on what the Lord has in your life and.
Let the Lord open your eyes. When I met my wife, I came to Michigan with 0 aspirations to find a wife. None. I came to make money to finish college with no doubt.
And you know what happened?
And it took me a long time to see this. The Lord said to my heart, have you noticed her? And I told him I'm here to do a summer internship. I'm not interested right now.
And he said, have you noticed, Becky, that finally I yeah, I have, I guess. And the Lord blessed that. And now we now this is our 17th year together. Young people trust the Lord. Don't trust your emotions.
Get into the word, ask him to show you and.
I don't know if I can express this right. I just it's not a game. There's the stakes are high and you can hurt yourself and the other people involved. So just be careful and the Lord will honor those that honor him, the Lord said. And Samuel boast that honor me, I will honor the Lord wants her blessing.
So let's not get in front of the Lord and say, well, I've already I got the plan now I don't need your help. Now we need the Lords help every single decision that we make and he has chosen your spouse. What a disaster to make a mistake and go, Lord, I don't want your choice. I pick mine already. It's going to hurt. He doesn't want that. But I didn't lead you.
And because I'm the youngest guy here, I'll be quiet now.
I have a purse that I think it would be good for both the young men and the young ladies to look at and you all know what it is. What the 2nd to last verse of Proverbs says. Favor is deceitful and beauty is vain, but the woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
There are attributes that bring beauty.
And.
As has been stated, it's a matter of finding the right one and you don't need to try and fix yourself to impress other people.
Be what the Lord has made you to be. And if you're seeking to honor God in all your ways, that's beautiful. That's beautiful. And what the world calls beauty is emptiness. And so try and see beauty through.
God's eyes in the way He has made each individual special, and He will show you who is the right one for you.
And there'll be real love as a result with Isaac and Rebecca. He took her into his mother's tent and she became his wife. And the crowning statement of that whole chapter is, and he loved her. And young people, it takes real love to get along through life.
Marriage is not easy. Marriage is hard work marriage. You're never going to have perfection this side of heaven. But if there's real love, you'll get through and make sure in the end that there's real love. And if I can just say this to when you have dated a girl or courted or whatever term.
Or a boy if there doesn't seem to be that real love.
01:00:02
And the Lord is pricking at your conscience.
Don't go ahead.
If the Lord we all make mistakes and if we go on a course that in the end we feel is not of the Lord, it is better to cut it off than to go ahead into something that is may not be the Lord's will for you and may lead to disaster and heartache in in your life.
Once you take that step in marriage, there's no going back.
As far as the Word of God is concerned, and you need to be very, very exercised about it before the Lord, it is next to salvation, perhaps the greatest step, the most monumental step that you will take in your life. And the girl you marry, the guy you married is going to make or break you spiritually. It's going to make or break your life. It's going to make you fruitful.
In your life or it's going to make you barren in your life as far as fruit for God. And be very, very exercised and careful. And if there's not real love, then step back.
And don't take that step. So in review, what is an appropriate age for dating?
Or what is an appropriate age to start a relationship with a man or with a woman? And in Proverbs 24.
In verse 27.
Says Proverbs 2427. Prepare thy work without make it fit for thyself in the field, and afterwards build thine house. So and like Mark said, it's important to be able to provide for your family. But I guess he said that yesterday.
First, you want to be able to be able to provide for a family.
To be able to provide for housing, to be able to provide for utilities, to be able to provide a house and you may say, well, I can get a mortgage to pay for all that.
That's why we had that question the other day, I guess.
Is it OK to get get yourself in debt? You need to be careful about that.
Oh no man, anything. So you need to be ready to be married before you start a relationship.
If you start a relationship before you're ready, it's not easy to start it, to go for a long time in a close emotional relationship with a, with a, with a person, because you will get into a, into compromising situations where you're going to have to draw a line somewhere. And where will that line be drawn and how long can you keep that line in one place? We have to keep moving that line.
And so it's best.
Advice to wait until you're you're ready to be married before you start a close relationship with the with a person. OK, now what qualities should you look for in a young person, in a in a person that as a spouse. If you're a godly woman, you're going to want a godly man. But if a godly woman waits too long, emotions may get the best of her and she may go for anybody or if you as a man, if you're the same thing and so.
What qualities are there for to look for in a spouse? Well, to be godly and what what are godly qualities? We went over those for the qualifications of an elder for the men. Those are God's standards for man. That's not just for an elder. That's for you as a young man. Those are qualities that you can can work towards and women, you can look at the man. And I know it takes us a few years to grow up.
Some of us a few more years than others, but.
There's there's a like, like burden was saying, look at the parents and how do they, how do the children relate to the parents? And, and often a parent is going to be what the children emulate. And so if you look at the parents and you see how they act.
Often the children will be similar to that, but.
It's not a guarantee, so there's amount of faith and trust. Some marriages are arranged and you don't get the chance. Like Rebecca, you don't get the chance to see the guy or the girl before you're married. But it's still you're still required to love and respect one another.
01:05:06
If a woman's looking, if a man is looking for a woman, what qualities do you look for?
Proverbs 31 has a good good list there of of nice qualities.
To look for in a woman, but you want her to be godly. And I think others have mentioned enough about other qualities so I'll leave it at that. And then as far as the in the Lord to marry in the Lord when you're looking for a spouse.
They should be.
Compatible to you in in faith, if you go, if you're gathered to the Lord's name and the woman goes to some other church or the man goes to some other church, you're not really compatible because there's going to be a compromise. You're going to have to compromise what you believe or she's going to have to compromise what she believes and.
Compromise is not good because it's not really.
A basis of faith.
Everything we do as a Christian life comes from a basis of faith. And so if we are.
Are following after someone who is not believing and practicing the same way as you.
There's going to be difficulties. And so I, I, I give advice that you, it doesn't mean that somebody who's going to a church somewhere can't learn. And I know many people have.
Gotten their wives believing wives who do, who have learned and do believe the truth of the word of God. So the so this goes into another subject, but I'm not going to elaborate on it. But you need to know first what do you believe? Do you really believe what we practice and why do you believe it? What verses do you have? And then it's good to find a wife or find a husband who believes the same way you do.
Otherwise, there's going to be compromise and difficulties down the road.
He gets her times up.
Yes.
Just saw some of the young folks here don't look at marriages with a red flag. Obviously some of our experiences are different than others. I found marriage to be not not hard work at all. It's been very, very easy. It's been very, very comfortable. It's been very, very beautiful.
In and of the Lord. That's what the Lord's desire is for us, not that it be a struggle.
No, and I didn't mean it to be a struggle, but we do have to.
When there's real love, of course that the motive is is right.
But there are things that we always as husbands and wives have to keep before us as to the needs of how the husband pleases the wife, how the wife pleases the husband. There is that exercise, which is, thank you, what I meant. But when there's real love, then as you say, there's that comfort in the home and the Christian home, the Christian marriage and the Christian home is really the only bulwark there is against the world today.
So, gentlemen, make sure you know it's not an active hunting expedition.
Be about the Lord's work, but keep your eyes open.
Leave out your schooling, your work, your job, but the Lord's business. Keep your eyes open and make sure that your car will pass the safety because her father will appreciate that.
Pray our God and Father, we give thanks for these practical considerations that we've had today and just help us, Lord, to to look to you for our our direction and wisdom and discernment for our relationships one with another. And we just commit this day into your hand. Father, we pray for those traveling home. We just give ask for safety and care for them. We pray for Emma also with her, her chemotherapy.
Treatment today strengthen your Lord and and as I will heal her completely with this and give give Andy and Eileen strength to we commit this day into your hand. Jesus name we pray Amen.
OK.