I had been preaching the Gospel in a California city some years ago, and noticed one evening in the audience an elderly woman who listened attentively throughout. My attention was attracted to her by a peculiar, puzzled expression on her face.
In the course of the address I mentioned how I had myself obtained the assurance of salvation in a moment by believing John 3:1616For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16): "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoso-ever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
At the close of the meeting the old lady pushed her way through the crowd and caught me by the hand. As she did so, she exclaimed: "Sir, I'm afraid you made it too easy tonight. You said you were saved in a moment. I'm afraid you haven't got it right. Why, it took me thirteen years to get where you said you got so quick. I can't believe God would have put me off so long if He could have just as well have done it in a moment. I was thirteen years a mourner before I got peace."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked, then added: "Tell me about it. I should like to hear just how you did get saved."
She readily complied, and her story was very much like this:
When she was a young girl about sixteen years old, she became troubled about her soul. With her parents she had gone to an old-fashioned camp-meeting in the country.
There she had been brought face to face with her sins. She was not by any means what one would have called a wicked young woman; but her awakened conscience told her she was a poor, lost sinner, utterly unfit for heaven. She at once set about the great task of making peace with God. She did not know that Christ had "made peace by the blood of His cross." Col. 1:2020And, having made peace through the blood of his cross, by him to reconcile all things unto himself; by him, I say, whether they be things in earth, or things in heaven. (Colossians 1:20).
She "went forward" to the "mourners' bench," and there wrestled and prayed, confessed her sins, promised to do better, vowed to give up all for Christ, to be or do anything or to go anywhere for Him, if He would only give her to know herself forgiven.
Some in the tent that night professed to find deliverance from their load of guilt; but there was no such joy for her. At last, as the lights were about to be put out, she turned from the bench, thoroughly exhausted and disheartened, and still weeping and agonizing, but dark as ever as to eternal things.
This was the beginning of a thirteen years' struggle. From that night until she was past thirty years old she never lost an opportunity to go forward for prayer. She was known as the "revival stand-by." That means that at the first call for "seekers" she always led the way to the "mercy-seat." Oh, that she had been pointed to the true Mercy Seat!
In answer to her anguished inquiries as to what to do to be saved, she was exhorted to "give up," "surrender all," "forsake sin," "pray more earnestly," "repent more sincerely," "promise to obey God fully," "put all on the altar," and much more. She honestly sought to do all she was told,. but no peace came.
Shortly after her awakening at the country camp-meeting, she had "joined the church" on probation, but the six months went by and she had no more rest than before. She made up her mind not to be a hypocrite by becoming a "full member," and so practically remained a "probationer" for twelve years and a half.
She read her Bible every day, prayed regularly, went to church, was active in works of benevolence, and did her very best to merit the favor of God; but it was all to no purpose.
"And how," I asked, "did you get peace at last?"
"Well, you see, sir," she replied, "I had been a-seeking for thirteen years; and one night I went to a big meeting, and sat through it, very miserable. When the call came for seekers I rose up, mechanically like, and went forward as I always had for so long. When I got to the bench a feeling of hopeless despair seemed to come over me. I had tried so hard; and still God didn't seem satisfied. I had prayed so much; but no peace came.
"This night I grew afraid of myself, for I just felt I couldn't pray any more. I had done everything I knew to do; and it seemed a hopeless task. I was afraid I never could get what I wanted. But suddenly I says: `Well, if I've got to go to hell, I'll go praying anyway;' and I commenced.
"But I couldn't pray like I generally did.
I just said: 'Well, Lord, I don't see what more I can do. I've got no heart left. My strength seems all gone. If You don't save me tonight I'll be eternally lost, for I'm in despair.
I CAN'T SAVE MYSELF!' And then, heartbroken, I fell sobbing to the floor."
"And then?" I inquired eagerly, for I felt the crisis had been reached.
"And then," she repeated, "I seemed to see it all. Jesus had died for me, and I could be saved by trusting Him. I remembered a verse that said: 'Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved.' I knew at once I did believe, and a strange peace came into my heart. It just seemed as though God told me I was saved. I never went forward since. But it took me thirteen years to get it!"
"Yes," I said, "do you know why?"
"Well, I guess I wasn't earnest enough before, and I don't think one could get earnest enough in so short a time as you spoke of tonight."
"No, no, that was not it at all. You were thirteen years getting to the end of YOUR earnestness. You, like all others, got saved when you despaired of yourself and turned alone to Christ. If you had done that thirteen years before, you would have been saved then."
"Oh, but I hadn't repented enough before."
"True; you never did repent until that night. Praying, and agonizing, and promising are not necessarily repentance. True repentance is taking God's side against yourself.
You repented when you acknowledged your strength was gone and you were hopeless to save yourself. When you gave up trying, then you found peace; for Christ began when you left off. Had you stopped trying at first, you'd have had thirteen years to rejoice in, instead of being thirteen years a mourner."
The dear old soul looked strangely at me, and then said slowly: "And so I might have had it all thirteen years before? Yes, yes; I see. Well, I guess your way isn't too easy after all, for perhaps it's God's way."
"Yes, it is God's way, for He says in Isaiah 55:77Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. (Isaiah 55:7): 'Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and He will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon.' God's way is Christ, who says in John 14:66Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. (John 14:6), 'I am the way.'
When one rests in Christ and receives the new life that God gives to all who believe, then the desire of the heart is to please the One who has so loved poor lost sinners.
Dear reader, have you forsaken your way and your thoughts? Believe, then, in Christ, and His word is: "Thou shalt be saved!"